Comfortably Miserable
by Mikigotagun
Summary: Al's dead, Ed's a military assassin and completely out of his mind. Let's just say there's supernatural forces at work. So enjoy this completely psychotic story.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Alright before you read this story I'm going to tell you I have completely went outside of the box (again) and completely lost all logic on this one changing everything around, messed with time lines and brought in some supernatural other worldly stuff. This story came about by watching a Fullmetal AMV that completely blew my fucking mind made by Umika (Your awesome with videos) the song 'Orchard of the mines' by Globus then hearing a Christian song called "We fall apart." I also took my emotions, rage and confusion from losing a friend that was like a brother to me and mixed it in. (I still miss you to this day Gil and I hope you're in heaven with God and his angels. I've been through struggles and fought demons and I'm here today to tell you that there is a God and a savior and they do forgive.)

Collaborators: Here Kitty Kitty Kitty (Aka: my daughter, Her OC Valoren,Aka: Riza in my house) and my nephew Kyle(Aka: Lyle, Lolly from my other stories) for some of his deep dark thoughts.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of FMA or the video but it was a mind opening experience (I did use some scenes from the video and ideas that I ran with) those belong to Umika! But the craziness woven in between is all me (Aka: Edward)

Comfortably Miserable

It was a warm night and visions of death and regret plagued Edward's dreams as he was jolted awake by the scene of his younger sibling Alphonse lying near death on the ground next to him. It had been almost eight years since that fateful day when his one decision to take a walk to town turned into tragedy and they were attacked by thugs on the road and his brother was stabbed. They had shattered his arm beyond repair so Winry and Pinako had to replace it with automail. As sweat poured off his face he sat up in the bed pulling his legs to his chest and wrapping his arm around them _'I go inside my darkest desires I'm lost slowly losing_ _hope. I'm alone, all around me I feel loneliness, wishing I could be understood and fully known.' _That was the thoughts that would plague him for years. He put his head down and shook it slowly as he reached up and wiped the sweat from his brow.

He had buried his mother then his brother only two years apart. How could he go on? How could he live a life they would be proud of? That's when he decided to join the military and dedicate his life to service but he never figured he'd turn out to be one of Mustang's best assassins. His life was filled with emotionless rage and a conscious free killing spree that he had perfected down to a science. His conscious had died that day he burnt down their childhood home and left the Rockbell residence and his childhood friend Winry behind. Winry had known as she watched him walk away that day that he was not the same boy she had known. Now at fifteen he was a picture perfect henchman for the military.

Not being able to go back to sleep he threw the covers off and got up. He was usually sleep deprived due to the awful nightmares of the people and blood he had on his hands. He had so many near death experiences because he had a death wish that he couldn't count them on both hands anymore. Something had to be protecting him he knew because he had tried to get himself killed many times but he always survived. He figured that his number would come up someday but he had been in this damn military for over three years and he was still alive.

There was nothing in his life anymore that made him feel human. He was a walking emotionless corpse that would snap your neck for just looking at him sideways. The rage that drove him was inconsolable and unstoppable and that's why Mustang chose him for all these unorthodox missions because he knew the kid would get it done without hesitation.

Edward Elric had become the one thing he hated most, a monster and a killer and all he was trying to do was find a way to die. He had nothing to live for it had all died with his brother and mother and he was on a mission to find his father who had left them and kill him too. He blamed his father for Al's death _'If that bastard would have just been there to protect us Al would still be alive.' _ Driven by psychopathic thoughts and guilt, his mind was now more warped than anyone could ever have imagined.

The sun rose and the phone rang in his room and as he answered it he knew who it was "Colonel, do you have another job for me?" He said with no tone of emotion in his voice.

Mustang figured that in order to keep Edward alive he needed to give him a bodyguard and there was a promising young sniper that had joined the military that was perfect for the job. Her name Valoren Cartier and at age sixteen she was almost as good as Hawkeye, she had joined the military to become a sniper and she trained under Hawkeye for two years now and this would be her first mission to protect Major Edward Elric.

"I want you to come to my office today Elric, I have something I want to give you." Knowing if he told Edward what his plan was he wouldn't show up.

"Fine" Edward groaned out as he hung the phone up. He turned and got dressed in his black pants and shirt and he threw his boots on, barely combing his hair that now hung down into his face. It was a face people rarely saw with his cold and dead amber eyes hiding behind his long bangs. Walking out the door he locked it and continued down the hall bumping into a man "Excuse me" the man said and Edward looked up some "Is there one for you?" he said before scoffing at him and continuing on his way.

Everyone in Central just moved out of his way as he walked down the hall. No one wanted to encounter the rage that was Edward Elric. Valoren turned to Mustang "May I ask sir what he's like?"

Mustang looked at Hawkeye then back to Valoren "He's completely out of his mind. His rage drives him and he has uncontrollable psychotic thoughts." He smiled a slight smile at Valoren "He's damaged goods Valoren." He turned to look out the window "But deep inside of him he's also so fragile that the slightest thing could make him completely snap."

Valoren thought to herself '_Great leave it to me to get the completely fucked up_ _one._' She smiled a slight smile at Mustang "Okay sir thank you for that information."

Opening the door to Mustang's office he walked in and walked to the couch and sat down never lifting his head to look at anyone. As Valoren looked at him all she saw was a boy who looked really depressed and lonely but she remembered the Coronel's words.

"Elric, I'm giving you a sidekick and a bodyguard." He turned to her "This is Valoren she's going to be tagging along with you for the next couple of weeks."

Edward's head slightly went up and through his bangs he looked at the girl standing in front of him. Her burgundy eyes with dark brown hair that was just below her shoulders in a side fishtail braid. Her fair skin was slightly tanned as he looked her up and down '_She is quite easy on the eyes'_ he thought as he sighed "So you're strapping me with a babysitter now huh?"

"She's not a babysitter." Mustang got annoyed.

Edward just laughed a cocky laugh "Well what would you call it then?"

Valoren stepped forward "I am a sniper capable of taking out anyone who threatens your life sir." She saluted Edward and he just stood up and looked at her through his hair never lifting his face up "Fine then I guess I'm stuck with you." She smiled but then it turned to unease as he leaned in near her face "Just don't get in my way or-"he said through gritted teeth "I'll bury you out there."

She nodded horrified and behind his hair he smiled a half ass smile then relaxed some knowing he had control of her and the situation. '_Great! Now I have to deal with a snot nosed wet behind the ears sniper' _he thought knowing he couldn't argue with Mustang's decision.

"Good now that you two have met I suggest you get to know each other better because you'll be depending on each other to watch one another's backs." Mustang said smiling because he could tell Edward didn't like the idea of having someone around in his space.

'_I do not play well with others'_ Edward thought as he smirked at Mustang and dropped his head lower and turned to exit the office "Come on" he groaned at Valoren as she turned and followed him down the hall and out the door into the streets.

As they walked down the street she noticed he would see children and he would stop and get a far off look like he was remembering something then he would shake it off and start walking again. He led her to a café where they entered "Are you hungry?" He asked her as he sat in a back booth that faced the door with his back to the wall. She nodded slightly and sat across from him as he told the waitress to bring him his usual and then motioned to Valoren.

After the waitress left he slightly looked up "Look Vulcan." She gave him a strange look "It's Valoren Mr. Elric."

He chuckled behind his hair "Its Edward not Mr. Elric." The waitress came back with their food and placed it on the table as he grabbed a fork and started shoveling food into his mouth as he talked "I don't know how this is supposed to work."

Being her sarcastic self she looked at him "Why don't you quit shoveling food in your mouth before trying to talk." He stopped and stared at her with those amber eyes that she saw through his hair and she saw so much more in them than being cold and dead. She tried to imagine them happy and full of life as he gave her a blank stare while putting his fork down "Like I was saying I don't know how this is going to work."

She smiled at him hoping to get him to let his guard down for a minute "Well I'm here to watch your back and make sure no one kills you."

Meanwhile back at Mustang's office Hawkeye was having second thoughts about putting Valoren with Edward "Are you sure about this sir? He's a complete psychopath." She cared for her student and she didn't want to see her get hurt. Valoren was a prodigy with a gun at age twelve she was the best shot around when Mustang recruited her and Hawkeye always thought he did it just for this particular mission.

"She's a very social person and I think being around her will help Fullmetal. Maybe since she lost a brother too they'll have something in common." Mustang stood up and walked to the window "Something or someone needs to get through to him."

"Well sir you sending him out on these crazy ass missions doesn't help his outrageous thinking." Hawkeye said very strongly "He is just a child."

"Yeah he may just be a child but he's also the ultimate weapon." Mustang said closing the conversation as he picked up Edward's file and began reading it again for the twentieth time.

When they finished lunch Edward stood up and looked at Valoren "I hope you have money to pay for your food because I'm not."

She stared at him "Sure I'll pay for mine I mean after all we're not dating." He turned to her as if to say '_What the fuck?' _but instead just shook his head. He really didn't know how to take this girl.

"I hope the Colonel made arrangements for you to stay somewhere." He looked back at her still not raising his head. She smiled "The Lieutenant rented me the room right next door to yours." Edward rolled his eyes "Greaaat!"

Getting back to the hotel he went to open his room and she turned to him "Well I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

"I can hardly wait." He groaned out as he stepped into the room and the phone rang. So walking over and picking it up "Hello"

"Fullmetal" Mustang said softly "Did you take care of that little problem that I wanted you to?"

Edward smiled a devious smile "Did war break out in Ishval?" He was having nightmares about that. He didn't like shooting that kid point blank in the head while looking into her eyes but it was a mission and orders were orders he had just blocked it out and stuck it deep into his mind and locked it away.

"Yes war broke out now your orders are here so you need to come in tomorrow and get them." He knew Edward wasn't going to like the orders he got. They were putting him right on the frontlines of the war he started.

"Fiiine!" He said "Do I have to bring the babysitter too?" He really didn't know how he was going to deal with this girl.

"Yes you don't go anywhere without her." Mustang snapped "Do you hear me Elric? She's there to protect you."

"I don't want protection and I don't need it." His voice lowered.

"Do you know how many people want to kill you?" Mustang growled "SO YES THE BABYSITTER STAYS!" then he slammed the phone down.

Edward looked at the phone "Asshole." he said softly putting the phone down _'I knew she was a fucking babysitter' _he thought sitting on the bed trying to contemplate a way to kill Mustang before Hawkeye killed him. Then he stood up and got undressed down to his boxers and a shirt. As he lay on top of the bed and jamming a pillow under his head he thought of his childhood friend Winry and he smiled, it was the only thing he actually held onto from that part of his life that comforted him as he fell asleep.

Valoren was awoken hours later to moaning and yelling in the room next door and she got up and grabbed her pistol thinking Edward was in trouble. Walking out onto the hall she realized that no one was there as she got to his door and tried it and for some strange reason it was open so she turned the knob and went in. She saw him thrashing about on the bed as she walked over. She stared at him trying to see the face no one ever saw. His hair was over his face as he slept on his back with his head turned slightly to the side. Walking slowly over to him she reached her hand out and gently moved his hair from his face. She was startled when he reached up and grabbed her hand "What are you doing?" he asked wickedly.

She tried to pull her hand back but his grasp on it was tightening "I-I was just checking on you. I heard noises and thought you were in trouble." She gave into his grasp and sat on the bed "And I was trying to see your face."

His eyes narrowed behind his hair as he lifted up and looked at her then he let her go. He couldn't believe she had just said that so he decided to show her the real him as he moved his bangs back some from his face "There. Get a good look because this is why I don't show people."

She looked at him and she smiled "Yeah your right maybe you should keep it covered up."

He got a confused look "What are you talking about?" She reached up and moved his bangs back "Your face. Maybe you should keep it covered. I mean you look really scary with the bangs and all but when you pull them back you just look like a normal boy."

He groaned "Would you just get out." And as she got up to leave he stared at her as she walked out not knowing how to react to her. '_I'll have to say she's different'_ He thought putting the pillow back behind his head _'Who the hell does she think she is? She's lucky I didn't snap her arm off.'_

She waited till a little later then went back and opened the door to check on him and when she opened the door he was on his back spread across the bed and his face was in full view '_He is kind of cute now that I see his whole face.'_ She closed the door slowly and all she heard was him scream "ALPHONSE!" and she swung the door back open and saw him sitting up breathing heavily, wide eyed and scared "Are you okay?"

"You again?" he said softly trying to gather his thoughts as she walked closer "Who's Alphonse?"

Edward pulled his leg to his chest and put his head down "He was my younger brother that was killed."

She walked over slowly and sat on the edge of the bed "I lost my brother too." Her head lowered as she said softly.

He actually looked up at her this time and into her eyes and she could see the hurt in his as he starred at her '_Is that why the Colonel put us together?_' He thought not pushing the subject seeing the look on her face. She looked like she had her own demons and regrets she didn't want to talk about.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Yes you're probably wondering WTF but I told you everything has been jacked around, it goes with that supernatural part of me that told me another out of the box thinking story has to be written. This is a story of Edward's torment and how fragile the spirit is when it is broken and how well the devil can manipulate it.

Comfortably Miserable chap.2

After she left his room Edward sat up for a few hours not being able to sleep. The visions that haunted his mind of his own brother only brought up questions in his head about her. '_What had happened to her brother?_' he thought then he shoved it down '_It's really none of my damn business or concern what happened._'

Putting his head in his hands he thought about all the bad things he had done. He had blood on his hands and a lot of it. There was no going back now his life was on a destruction path and he was the conductor. The only real memory he had that kept him sane was of Winry and he knew he had to call her but he hadn't talked to her since that day he turned his back on her, Pinako and Resembool and left. He shut everything out of his life that reminded him of his hometown or that day.

Sitting there on the bed he put his head down and sighed as a tear began to roll down his cheek. '_Why am I crying?_' he wiped his eyes hard '_I shouldn't be crying' _the eyes of the little girl he shot in Ishval kept creeping into his mind and he finally completely lost it and sobbing uncontrollably. Then the rage took over and he picked up the chair and threw it across the room "AHHHHH!" he hated to feel like this and turning and punching the wall several times he fell to the ground as the door flew open and Valoren ran in. She looked at the room then him and knew he was in total turmoil and she didn't know what to do as he looked up at her "Get out of here."

She walked over in front of him "No!" she slammed her foot on the ground "You need help Edward." He stood up and started at her and pushed her against the wall "LOOK VULTRON! The only help I need from you is for you to get THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

She stared at him and the hate in his eyes was enough to scare her to death "A-Alright but its Valoren" He let her go and she ran out of the room thinking '_I wish_ _he'd remember my name before he kills me'_. He was confused and he felt like such an asshole because no one had ever tried to stay with him while he had a breakdown.

After tearing the room up more and falling on the floor Edward remembered today was the day he had to go to Mustang's office. So after gathering himself together, getting dressed and slipping on his white gloves with the transmutation circles drawn on them he walked into the hallway. He needed the transmutation circles on his gloves due to the fact they never tried to bring their mother back because Al was killed and he never saw the truth.

**MEANWHILE ON THE OTHERSIDE**

Edward's guardian angel Mary that was under Rapheal decided she needed to speak to the higher archangels about Edward.

As she walked into the room of gold that day she didn't know what to expect but she knew Edward was good he had just been thrown off his path.

She entered and bowed to them "Higher beings, warriors of God I must talk to you about Edward Elric."

Michael and Gabriel turned to her as Michael spoke "Mary we know your worries and we have seen the future. Edward Elric is on a path of destruction that not only affects his life but the lives of others put in is path."

Gabriel turned "I know you think there's good in him and we also believe that. But he is so far gone right now we don't know what will help him. He doesn't believe that God exists because of what happened to his mother and brother."

Mary concerned for Edward's eternal soul "What if I show him that God does exist?" she pleaded "He's has a good soul and spirit but they've been damaged and broken beyond the point any human is meant to bare."

She remembered him as a child so innocent and promising as she watched over him. But then that fateful day had changed him forever she saw him get more destructive and watched his spirit crumble and the demons take advantage of that. They use him to do their bidding and she knew there was something she had to do before he was lost forever.

"His destructive path has now claimed the life of a child Mary." Michael looked at Gabriel "An innocent."

Gabriel turned and looked down towards the earth "If no one can reach him he will be on the verge of spending eternity doing Lucifer's bidding."

"Just let me try! I beg you." Mary pleaded as she threw herself on the floor in front of them.

Michael looked down at her "Why do you care so much for this spirit and soul Mary?"

She lifted her head and looked at both Archangels "When he was younger I felt his spirit and it was so strong sometimes the power even scared me to be around him. His soul was bright and vibrant and the life force he put out could have powered a thousand stars. I have faith in Edward Elric and I know he was destined for great things. But Lucifer got his claws in him that fateful day and I couldn't get him to listen. But now, Right now he's at a breaking point and I'm sure I can reach him. He's such a fragile spirit and soul right now that the slightest thing will send him into eternal darkness forever." She smiled at the huge angels "Our Lord forgives those who believe in him so let me help Edward to realize that there is someone who loves him even though he feels no one does."

Michael sighed and he and Gabriel looked at each other "We will give you this chance to help him turn back to God. But if you fail there is nothing we can do to save his eternal soul."

As she thanked them and left the golden room she tried to figure out a way to make Edward see that he wasn't alone. That he didn't need to do the devil's bidding and that he could live a fruitful life but how? He was completely shut off from her right now thanks to the evil in his life. But today she had felt him, she had felt his heart break more and she felt his soul cry out for help.

**BACK IN AMESTRIS**

Walking to Valoren's room Edward lifted his hand and knocked. She slightly cracked the door and looked out at him "Soooo are we done with our little mental breakdown now or do you still want to kill me?"

His head went down and his hair fell forward "Look I-I-"he was having trouble with the words because he had never said this to anyone before "I'm sorry."

She opened the door some and her eyes widened "You just apologized to me."

He turned and waved over his shoulder as he walked away "Yeah well don't get used to it. Get dressed I'll meet you downstairs." Then he disappeared around the corner _'Wow the raging Edward Elric just apologized to me. Don't think it means more than an apology girl, remember he's a crazy psychopath' _she told herself as she got dressed.

When she got downstairs and outside Havoc had showed up to drive them to Central command. Havoc hated having anything to do with Edward ever since that time he pissed Edward off and Edward spread it all over Central to all the women he was gay and Falman was his boyfriend.

They rode to Central in silence as Edward stared out the window of the car. _'Alphonse my brother I promise I will get revenge for your death when I find those assholes.' _He thought to himself remembering the boys that had taken the life from his young brother, the one he was supposed to protect. The boys had been placed in reform schools because they were under eighteen and Edward had been looking for them ever since Izumi had trained him. He had a semi hit list in his mind with the boys who killed his brother on the top and his father on the bottom.

Pulling up to Central he opened the door and let Valoren out then he stepped out and turned to Havoc "Thanks for not pissing me off today."

Havoc scoffed at him "Why? It took me a year to clean up your last mouth explosion." Edward gave him a sinister smile "Well glad to see you learned your lesson then." Then he turned and walk towards Central as Valoren walked behind him wondering '_What the hell was that about?_'

Havoc rolled his eyes "What an asshole brat he is."

Edward walked into Central to Mustang's office as he opened the door "Well glad to see you made it."

Valoren followed him into the room and Hawkeye slightly smiled at her and she slightly smiled back. Edward stood in front of Mustang's desk as he handed Edward a paper with his orders on them. Edward slightly looked up "You've got to be shitting me." His orders read:

_Major Edward Elric you are hereby ordered to the Amestrian eastern frontlines for your state alchemist support against the citizens of Ishval._

"I started this fucking war and now you want me to fight in it?" Edward threw the paper on Mustang's desk.

Valoren's eyes got huge as she turned to Mustang "B-But the war was started when a child was shot." She looked back to Edward '_No he couldn't have?_'

Mustang stood up and turned to her and he saw the look on her face "Yes it was Edward that started this war for us." She turned to Edward "You couldn't have. Why? Why would you do something like that?"

"Orders are orders I just follow them." He didn't even look at her because he didn't think it was any of her business.

"But you shot-"She didn't get to finish "VALOREN!" Riza yelled and she lowered her head "It's not your job to question your superior."

She couldn't believe he had actually shot a child to start this war because he was nothing more than a child himself like her. She knew she could never have done anything like that and now thanks to him they were getting sent straight into this whole war. He turned and saw the look on her face and he knew she was scared but he had to believe that just maybe she would forget to protect him one time for doing this and his life of misery would be over.

Edward turned to Hawkeye "Lieutenant it's not your job to discipline my subordinate that's my job so mind your own business." Then he turned and started walking to the door as Hawkeye pulled her gun out and aimed it at his back.

'_That little fucker' _she thought as she turned to Mustang "Can I shoot him now?"

Mustang put his hand up "No! We need him with us." He turned to Hawkeye "Why do you always let him get to you like that?" He smirked putting his hand down "He did have a point though I would have done the same if anyone would have yelled at you." She still didn't like a fifteen year old talking to her like that but she realized what Mustang was saying.

"Are you crazy?" Valoren asked Edward walking down the hall "She could have shot you."

Edward stopped and turned to her and didn't say anything for a minute then he spoke "I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to do a job and if that job gets me killed so be it." He groaned "Even if it is smarting off to a Lieutenant that would shoot me." He turned and before he stated walking again "I would embrace death right now."

She knew then that he had no concern for his own life and that made her job harder. She wondered if death was the only reason he joined the military? Watching him walk down the hall she knew he was going to try to get himself killed on the frontlines but even as much as she hated him right now for what he did to that kid she swore to herself that she would protect him with all her ability because that was her job and she took it very seriously.

Mustang, Hawkeye and all the other alchemists were ordered to the frontlines also. This control of the citizens was just a cover up for the brutal extermination the Amestrian military had planned for Ishval and Edward would be thrown into a whole different range of emotions when he got to Ishval. He just hoped that death would come quickly and he could see his mother and brother again.


	3. Chapter 3

Comfortably Miserable Chap.3

Mr. and Mrs. Rockbell were packing their stuff they had been told that doctors were needed on the frontlines so they were sent to help. As they said goodbye to their beloved daughter Winry she asked them one thing and she never thought that it would come back to haunt her later down the road.

"Dad I know Edward will be there as an alchemist. Can you please watch out for him?" She asked kissing her dad goodbye.

Her father knew she was worried about her childhood friend that had so abruptly walked out of her life "If I see him Winry I'll try to talk to him alright. But the patients are my main concern not an out of control kid at this time."

Winry smiled softly at her father "Yes dad and thank you." Giving her mother a kiss her and her grandmother watched as they were led away by Amestrian escort's down the little dirt road.

**TWO DAYS LATER**

Edward and Valoren exited the train near the Amestris/Ishval boarder it was dark and the fires lit up the sky then they met up with Mustang and Hawkeye. Dressed in his blue military uniform with a white trench coat only his had the infamous crest his red one had on the back. Valoren thought it was like painting a target on his back but he just looked at her like he didn't care.

They were shown to their tent where they would retire for the night before joining the fight in the morning. As they walked into the tent Edward noticed the one mattress on the ground and Hawkeye turned and smiled "Yeaaah one of you will have to sleep on the ground."

"Well Edward looks like you get the ground." Valoren said walking over and throwing her stuff on the mattress.

He groaned as he walked over and clapped his hands together and touching the mattress made it larger. Then he turned and his eyebrows narrowed "You wish" he said plopping down on it. Valoren's eyebrows raised as she looked at Hawkeye then back Edward "You're not saying we sleep on the same bed?"

Edward patted the mattress next to him "Well unless you want the floor." He then scooted down and rolled over and behind his hair he smiled a devious smile.

"Fiiiine" Valoren said sitting on the other side then she made a move that surprised Edward as she leaned back and grabbed him slightly around the throat and startled him "Have you ever heard of a crime of passion Edward?"

"Noooo" he wheezed out as his eye's widened.

She smiled her own devious smile "That's what will happen if any part of your body touches me." She let go and Hawkeye smiled and turned and left "Goodnight you two, get some sleep morning comes early here."

Edward watched her leave and he felt Valoren get off the bed and stand up. He could tell she was removing her jacket as he laid there silent. _'I wasn't expecting that from her but now I have to watch every move she makes because she won't get that chance again.'_ But he now had a new found respect for her for not taking his shit and now he was more intrigued by her and wanting to know more about her.

The next morning the sun rose early and as it crept into the tent Edward opened his eyes slightly as he tried to move. '_What the hell?_' he thought as he couldn't move a muscle then looking down he figured out why. Valoren had her head resting on his left shoulder and her arm thrown across his chest with her left leg pinning both his to the bed '_What the fuck?!_' he thought looking down at her face and unwrapping his left arm from around her waist '_I'm not touching her.'_

He tried to move but her grasp on him only got tightened as she squeezed his rib cage and he tried not to inhale because she squeezed tighter.

Hawkeye poked her head in the tent "Uh….Edward time to get moving." She said giving him a strange look at the position they were in.

"I'm not touching her." He said throwing his hands in the air over his head. She stirred next to him as Hawkeye told her to get up. As she sat up she looked at Edward "Good morning."

He moved quickly to get off the bed "Yeah….same to you." Standing up and grabbing his jacket he walked over to the flap in the tent "I'll see you at breakfast." Then he exited the tent _'What the hell's up with him?'_ she thought then shrugged her shoulders.

The more he thought about it the more feelings crept in. _'Why the hell do I even care if she was holding on to me? It is my curse to carry on with this loneliness and never be understood exactly how I feel inside.'_ Physical contact was never something he liked it made things to personal and he liked his life the way it was with no one to worry about but himself and he didn't even do that half the time.

Valoren exited he tent after getting dressed and she went to get breakfast and looking around she saw Mustang talking to Edward as she walked over and sat down next to him. Mustang was telling him it was his job to clear the western part of town no matter what it took and no matter what force he had to use against the fighting towns people.

As they finished breakfast and she gathered her rifle and they walked out on that battle field together and she went to go take her post. It was on top of a building where she could keep an eye on Edward and watch his back to make sure no one attacked him. Every alchemist had a sniper watching their back up there and as she turned to walk off he reached out and touched her arm and looked her in the eyes "Don't do anything brave, be careful tread one step at a time" he instructed her and she wondered why he would say that to her. This was her first time in combat and maybe that's what he meant was don't take any unnecessary risks and watch where you step.

As she got to the top of the building with her knees knocking and her hands sweating as she put up her white hood, took her position and aimed her rifle looking for him through the scope. She saw Hawkeye perched on the building across the way and she was firing occasionally and she knew it was to protect Mustang as he blew up buildings with no hesitation. As she moved her rifle back and forth looking and watching the destruction she found him as he stopped at the end of the road and slammed his left foot to the ground taking a stance to start his rage of destruction. His eyes were cold and his face had no expression at all as he made his way down the street taking people out in his way _'How can someone be so_ _cold?'_ As his path of destruction went on she watched intensely as he came upon a group of children '_OH NO!_' she thought but she noticed through the scope he hesitated then clapped his hands together and bent down and touched the ground and formed a cage around them with the earth then went on his way. She breathed a sigh of relief thinking maybe he did have a conscious.

As Edward walked the streets his eyes were fixed only to the things in front of him. It was his snipers job to watch the things in back of him. But he had this strange feeling something else was on the battlefield with him that day. It was a feeling he hadn't felt in years. He thought back to a day in his childhood when he had that same feeling. He had gotten too close to the water and something or someone had stopped him from going any closer and if he had he would have drowned. But he remembered what happened next, a single feather had dropped from the sky as he looked up, but today it was a stronger presence.

Walking forward he let his rage and destruction rain down on the people of Ishval '_Why? Why am I doing this? Life's so incomplete like a weight wrapped around my feet'_ looking around he noticed that they looked like ants after you just stepped on the ant hill, all scattering around in circles not knowing what to do.

Valoren looked through her scope and she saw the man with the knife behind Edward but she didn't have a clear shot and she watched in a panic thinking he was going to take her alchemist down.

Edward not knowing the man was behind him kept walking and clearing the streets. But Mary knew and she was right there by her lost soul as he continued to do the devils bidding. But in a last look around Edward questioned his motives and that was all Mary needed for him to do as the man with the knife got closer.

Edward stopped and a single tear left his eye as he looked at the destruction of these people. Valoren still couldn't get a shot as she watched helplessly through her scope. The man saw his chance and lunged to strike but at the last moment an unseen force pulled Edward to the right and when the man swung the knife he only sliced into the top of Edward's left arm. Edward grabbed the upper part of his left arm then the bullet whizzed by his ear and hit the man in the head and blood splattered across the front of Edward's jacket and face. Valoren breathed a sigh of relief and Edward looked up to her position and his eyes widened then they softened and he knew she had probably just killed her first person. Reaching up he wiped the blood from his face with his hand and as the blood ran down his left arm he covered it with his other hand and he saw a single feather lying on the ground. Placing both his hands out in front of him he looked at them covered in blood and it flashed him back to a not so pleasant memory that took place only months before when he had killed Shou Tucker and his daughter Nina after Shou had turned Nina and the dog into a talking chimeara. Beating Shou to death had given him a certain satisfaction but killing Nina had only given him nightmares. But he had too because she would have been thrown into a lab and experimented on so he justified it as a mercy killing in his mind and he had never told Mustang or anyone. He carried this deep dark secret with him every day.

He shook his head and dropped his hands to his side and went on with his emotionless, numbing extermination is what he called it. But he could feel himself getting weak from the knife slash he had on his upper arm as it gushed blood from the wound covering his whole sleeve with the color red.

Valoren looking through her scope saw him struggling to stay standing_. 'He's lost much blood. He's going to pass out soon right there in the middle of the street.'_ Looking around she saw the first aid tent just down the street from him. So throwing her rifle over her shoulder she turned and began to make her way to street level. Hawkeye turned and noticed she wasn't in position anymore and looked through her scope to find her. She saw her running down the street '_Stupid girl what the hell is she doing?'_ then she moved the scope forward and saw Edward, his sleeve was dark red and he was staggering as he fell to his knees then struggled to stand again.

As Valoren ran towards Edward Hawkeye was shooting people coming up behind her. Then switching back and forth between her and Mustang she had her scope full.

Valoren reached Edward and helped him up and as they made their way to the first aid tent she pushed him through the flap of the tent and when she turned around a man punched her in the face as she fell backwards into the tent knocking Edward to the ground and landing on him. The man was trying to get his gun out of the holster as she struggled to stand '_Mother fucker I don't think so'_ she thought as she balled up her fist and punched him in the face and knocked him out cold.

She looked down at Edward and he gazed up at her "Remind me never to piss you off." Then he slightly smiled at her and she slightly smiled back as she bent down to help him to his feet and looking around "Help! Can someone help us? He's lost a lot of blood."

A man came running forward to help her get Edward to the table and set him down. Just then a woman emerged from the back room with rolls of bandages in her arms "Here dear" she said sitting them down next to him on the table as her husband cut Edward's jacket off and she noticed his right arm was automail. Taking another look at the boy she reached over and placed her hand under his chin and lifted his face "Edward!" looking at her husband she moved Valoren out of the way and started frantically trying to stop the bleeding.

"Do you know Edward?" Valoren asked as she watched them thoroughly focus on him and stopping the bleeding.

Mrs. Rockbell turned to her "Yes we've known him since he was born." Just then everyone heard him "Mom?" His eyes slightly opened as Mrs. Rockbell leaned closer to his face "You're not leaving us Edward. Winry would never forgive us if you died." He only said one word again "Mom." Then he passed out again.

Mr. Rockbell looked at his wife as he sewed up the gash in Edward's arm. They both couldn't believe this was the boy they had known and loved as a child. Look what the Military had done to him, he was just a child and they used him and made him into this person that lay in front of them now, bleeding and exhausted.

They got his arm sewed up and in his exhaustion he slightly opened his eyes and he saw a figure with long dark hair standing at the end of his bed "Who are you?" he asked as Valoren looked around noticing he was looking towards the end of the bed but she saw nothing.

The dark haired woman smiled at him and she had a beautiful smile he thought then a calm peaceful feeling came over him "My name is Mary."

"Mary" Edward whispered softly and Valoren looked at the Rockbell's "Who's Mary?" They both shrugged their shoulders and stared at Edward as he kept staring at the end of the bed.

"I am your guardian angel Edward. You can only see me when you're at your weakest point of life." She leaned over the end of the bed some "I am glad I can come to you again. You have kept me away for so long."

He tried to focus on the most magnificent thing he'd ever seen in his life "I've seen you before." He kept talking and everyone thought they were losing him because no one else saw her.

"I have come to tell you Edward that you can never fall too fast, so hard, so far that you can't get back when you're lost."

"I'm lost I can't go back" he began to sob as tears stung his cheeks "It hurts too fucking bad to go back." Mary began to move closer to him around the bed and she stepped in between the Rockbell's and put her hand to Edward's head "Shhhh, my child sleep now." His eyes closed and he fell into a restful sleep.

Mr. Rockbell took Edward's vitals and looked at Valoren "All his vitals are fine." She helped Mrs. Rockbell cover him up "What does that mean?"

He smiled at her "It means he'll be fine with some rest" turning to walk away "And a friend like you."

Valoren sat in a chair next to his bed and didn't move she had done her job and kept her alchemist alive. But she still wondered what he saw or was talking to at the end of the bed. She decided she better keep a better eye on him from now on because that could be a sign he was losing his mind so she decided to keep this episode to herself and not tell the Colonel.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I love the song "We fall apart" by We as Humans and Edward's thoughts are mostly taken from that song. It reflects what is in all of us and how we deal with it. A lot of the thought's for the characters are taken from songs that touch my heart, some are Christian and some are other popular songs. You might recognize song chorus's or lines in character thoughts.

Comfortably Miserable Chap.4

The next day Edward opened his eyes and looking around the tent he saw Mr. and Mrs. Rockbell working on what looked like Ishvalan people. Turning his head to the right he saw Valoren in the chair next to his bed _'What the fuck is her name? Vul…No!…Vol….No!….Val….YEAH!' _she looked at him and smiled "Hey Val" He said softly.

She looked at him surprised "Wow you didn't call me some off the wall stupid name" smiling she corrected him "It's Valoren but I can live with Val."

"Well that's good because I don't think I'm going to remember Valen." Edward sat up in bed.

"VALOREN!" she said annoyed through gritted teeth then smiled "Val's fine Edward."

Mrs. Rockbell looked over and tapped her husband on the shoulder "He's awake dear." They both walked over as Mrs. Rockbell bent down and kissed his cheek "Edward you gave us quite a scare boy."

He looked up shyly like a kid being disciplined "Yes sir I'm sorry." This was a new side of him Valoren hadn't seen he was actually being nice to them. "Edward dear" Mrs. Rockbell smiled "Why don't you come home with us after this war is over and quit all this craziness."

He actually looked like he was thinking about it but then that asshole she knew surfaced as his head lowered "Tell Winry hi for me and if I'm well enough I have to get back to the war."

Mrs. Rockbell reached over and pulled his chin up to look at her "Would your mother and brother approve of the way your living your life Edward."

Edward swallowed and looked away "Their dead and I will be soon too."

Mr. Rockbell put his hand on his wife's shoulder "You know Edward you're always welcome at our home."

"Yes sir and thank you" Edward looked around at all the Ishvalan patients "You two need to be careful about treating them. Some people don't know you like I do and they might hold you putting the enemy back on the battlefield against you." He threw the covers back and swung his legs of the side of the bed and his head lowered again "Thank you again for your offer. You guys are the only thing I have left that's closest to family." '_Damn this war dragging them out here. If I could I would end it now just so they could go home. I never thought they'd get drug into it.'_ He thought grabbing his white jacket that was cut off him and clapping his hands together he placed his hands above the jacket and mended it as he turned and put it on.

Still in pain he gave the Rockbell's a nod as he left the tent and Mrs. Rockbell turned to her husband "I worry about that boy so much. He's been on his own way to long."

Mr. Rockbell put his arm around her waist "That boy has survived a lot dear and besides he's tough he's got Hohenheim's blood running through his veins." He turned and kissed her cheek "He'll be fine."

As Valoren followed him out of the tent she walked up closer to him "Can I ask you a question?" He stopped and looked at her "It depends."

She looked at the ground then back to him "Who's Mary?"

Edward thought back to the beautiful woman at the end of the bed yesterday and what she had told him and slightly smiling "She's my guardianangel."

"Guardian angel?" Valoren questioned as she stared at his face and saw he was serious "You're serious aren't you?"

Edward turned and started walking again "Somebody has to be keeping me alive." Knowing this was the third time he had saw Mary he didn't want Valoren thinking he'd completely lost his mind and blab to Colonel Flamethrower so he just turned and walked off ending the conversation.

The next few days were an intense and a hell on earth fight between the military and the Ishvalans. The military had brought in one of their most insane alchemist (yes more out of control than Edward) The Crimson alchemist, Solf J. Kimblee.

Valoren was resting and taking a break with the other superiors when she started in on Mustang "Colonel why would you use Edward like you do? You told me yourself he was very fragile inside but you keep sending him out to do all these terrible things."

Maes Hughes a friend of Mustang's was standing next to him, "Yeah Roy tell us why you put that boy out there in the middle of this god forsaken catastrophe?"

Mustang looked out at the battlefield "That boy as you so pleasantly call him has seen more hell than either of you combined and he can get the job done with no hesitation." Knowing Edward was a ticking time bomb Mustang decided to put his rage to good use rather than let him wonder the streets of Central.

"Maybe so but he's only fifteen" Valoren stood up as she walked by Mustang "He's not right in the head Colonel and he gets more fucked up every day by killing innocent people."

Mustang turned to her and smirked "And what about you Valoren? You kill innocent people?" She snapped her head around and glared at him "I signed up to be a sniper it's my job. I knew what I was getting into and I don't kill for sport."

"Killing for sport is nice." A sadistic voice came from behind them "Hearing their cries is like music to my ears."

"Kimblee" Mustang whispered "Nice of you to join us." Knowing Kimblee was psychotic Mustang chose his words carefully.

"You enjoy this a little too much." Mustang saw Hawkeye walking up as she turned to Valoren "Your alchemist is out there with no one watching his back you better get going."

Valoren turned to Mustang as she looked out to the battlefield and saw all the destruction Edward was causing "Look at him Colonel that's your creation and he's never going to be the same." Mustang stared out at Edward and watched as the boy took down everything in his way.

**Later that week**

As Edward walked through the streets a couple of days later he started thinking '_Isn't it beautiful? The way we fall apart, It's magical and tragical the way we break our hearts, so unpredictable, we're comfortably miserable, we think we're invincible, completely unbreakable and maybe we are.'_ As he looked around the streets he saw Kimblee perched on a building leveling everything in his path.

That's when he saw the first aid tent leveled to the ground and his eye's widened_ 'NO! NOOOOO!' _he started running for the tent and reaching it he started digging through the rubble and he saw her hand sticking out as he grabbed it "HELP MEEEEE!" he yelled as he kept digging. Valoren heard him and came running and seeing the tent and him frantically throwing things to the side she knew his friends were dead. More soldiers came and helped dig the bodies out and they laid them on the ground and covered them with sheets.

Edward walked up and fell to his knees next to Mrs. Rockbell's body and placing his hand on her head covered with the sheet he started to sob uncontrollably '_I never wanted this. I never expected this to happen. What the FUCK AM I DOING?'_ then he looked up and his eye widened '_Oh God Winry! How do I explain this to her?' _Feeling his whole world just came crashing to the ground time seemed to stop as he just sat there _'I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. What have I done? GOD I'M SORRRRRY!'_ Throwing his head back and looking at the sky as tears rolled out the corners of his eyes and down his cheeks. As everyone watched as he placed her lifeless hand in his and held it.

Valoren walked over to Mustang "See those people Colonel. They were the only thing he had left and now their dead. What do you think he'll do now?" Looking into Mustang's eyes she glared at him "He'll be no use to you after this." Mustang knew Valoren was right Edward was damaged goods and it was his rage that drove him but lately it seemed that his conscious was getting the better of him and he was getting soft. Usually he would have just said '_Well war is war and casualties are expected' _but this complete breakdown of his was new.

As Mary stood next to him she placed her hand on his shoulder '_My dear boy so much pain. You have endured more than any spirit or soul should.' _She looked around at the destruction '_And it looks like more just keeps coming. Don't worry about your friends they are with the father now.' _Knowing Edward had to get out of this place or his spirit would completely break she did something that only angels did in dire circumstances as she walked over and placed her hand on Mustang's shoulder and whispered "Send the boy away from this destruction. It is not good for him because he is only a child." She then touched Edward and channeled his pain to Mustang who could feel someone's hand on him but couldn't see one.

Mustang's eyes widened and he felt the pain in his heart almost like he could feel Edward's turmoil and despair '_Oh my god! This hurts soooo bad. I can't handle it._' The darkness that filled his mind scared him and the sheer thoughts of destruction and rage as he heard Edward's voice saying them in his head made him want to crawl in the deepest darkest hole never to come out. He couldn't explain it as Hawkeye saw the look on his face "Sir, Are you alright?"

Mustang flinched "What? Uh…..Yeah I think" he grabbed his chest and looked down at Edward. Edward put Mrs. Rockbell's hand back under the sheet and he stood up and the look of sheer regret and anger that flashed across his face made Mustang shutter. No emotion showed as his eyes went cold and his heart turned black as it broke into a thousand pieces right there on the ground and he left it with the Rockbell's. Turning and looking around he screamed "WHERE"S KIMBLEE?" Mustang knew then he had to get him out of here.

Knowing Edward was going after Kimblee, Mustang motioned two soldiers to take hold of him "WHAT THE-" As he struggled Valoren went to step forward but Hawkeye stopped her "No!"

Mustang walked up in front of Edward, "ELRIC! You need to let this go." He looked over his shoulder to make sure no one else heard "Save it for another time." Looking down to the Rockbell's "You need to take them home."

Edward quit struggling and inhaled deeply as he looked down to them _'I can't describe properly what this is I suffer through, although I'm accepted by people who know my pain. I know they don't fully know it, because if they did I'd watch them suffer like me as well…That is the last thing I'd ever ask them to do for me.' _He knew if he didn't take them home they would be shipped home like cargo and that was not the way he wanted them to arrive to Pinako and Winry.

Walking back to their tent all Edward could think about _'Don't have a mental breakdown! Don't have a mental breakdown! DON'T HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN!'_ as they entered the tent he could feel it growing inside of him like a ticking bomb and looking around for something to throw Valoren tapped his shoulder "Edward I know your upset."

As he turned he grabbed his head "I'M HAVING A FUCKING MENTAL BREAKDOWN!" He said looking slightly up at her because she was a few inches taller than him "And I can't even look you in the eyes."

She bent down some "There is that better shorty?" Before she knew it he screamed "AHHHHHH!" then punched her in the lower stomach.

A gleam of hatred glinted in her eyes as she glared at him "Those were my ovaries" she wheezed out "You little fucker." Placing her hands on his shoulders she kneed him square in the balls as both of them fell to the ground.

Hawkeye opened the tent flap hearing the yelling and seeing both of them groveling on the ground "What the fuck did you two do?"

Valoren looked up tears in her eyes "He punched my ovaries into my cheeks." Edward then rolled over "She kneed my testicles into my throat." he wheezed out.

Hawkeye just mouthed the word "WOW!" as she closed the flap on the tent and walked away thinking _'I see their getting along better now.'_

Edward rolled over towards Valoren holding his crotch "What part of remind me not to piss you off did you forget?" she glared at him again "I didn't think you were going to hit me."

Edward let go of his crotch and stretched out on the ground and stared at the ceiling "Yeah I'm sorry about that." He said softly "It won't happen again just next time DON'T CALL ME SHORTY!"


	5. Chapter 5

Comfortably Miserable chap.5

The next day as Edward sat on the train headed for Resembool with the four armed escorts, Valoren and the Rockbell's bodies he wondered how he was going to explain everything to Winry. Winry was the only person that still held him to his tortured past and he didn't think he could go on if anything ever happened to make him lose her. But this was something that could jeopardize that and he had to prepare himself for the worst. Hell he was hoping she'd just kill him and get it over with. He knew after telling her the truth she was probably going to hate him for the rest of his depressing life.

"Edward, who were those people to you?" Valoren asked wondering why they would want to take him home with them.

Edward stared out the window and remembered the day he and Alphonse had been attacked and it was Mr. Rockbell that had found both of them on the road beaten, stabbed and bleeding and he carried them both back to his house.

"Those people were the closest thing me and my brother had to parents after our father left and our mother died." Edward stared at his hands _'And these hands started the war that killed them.'_ He thought as he continued "Pinako Rockbell was a drinking buddy of my dad's. She and her family took care of Al and I after our mother passed away."

"And your dad?" Valoren questioned.

"Screw that bastard. If he would have been there Al would still be alive." Edward turned his head "The bastard never showed up for either of their funerals."

She didn't know what to say to that '_How could a man not come back for his wife_ _and son's funeral_?' she thought as she dropped the subject seeing how upset Edward got.

Pulling into the station at Resembool Edward got a strange feeling like he was walking back in time. Putting the Rockbell's boxes that contained their bodies on the cart and the four armed guards around them with Edward in the lead and Valoren following him they started walking down the dirt road. After walking for about twenty minutes Edward stopped in the middle of the road and just stared at it.

"Is something wrong?" she asked walking up to him.

His eyes wondered back and forth along the road then he glared at it "This is where it happened. This is where my brother and I were attacked." Pointing over to the side of the road "That is where Al almost bled out." She knew it must be hard for him to be back here in the same spot that caused him so much pain.

"And here I am again on the same road" he turned back and looked at the cart "With the man who saved us. The only thing is I didn't save him."

Valoren looked at him "You can't blame yourself Edward." He looked at her knowing she knew he killed that child "I can't and why's that?"

"You didn't know they were going to be in this war." She slightly smiled trying to ease his pain and guilt.

As they began to walk again the house came into view and he stopped again. Taking a deep breath he turned to Valoren "I'm warning you now Winry can become very emotional" he swallowed hard "And violent sometimes."

"Okaaay" Valoren said raising an eyebrow at him "Just don't shoot her okay?" He said turning and continuing to walk.

As they reached the house Den started barking and Pinako was the first to exit the house. She saw the four military escorts and Edward leading them in his blue military uniform and white trench coat. Then she saw the cart and her heart broke and she knew immediately what had happened and she held her scream in as Edward walked up.

Just as he was going to speak a wrench caught him in the head and he hit the ground. Valoren swung her rifle around to her face "What the fuck was that?" she said looking around.

Winry yelled from the balcony "EDWARD! I TOLD YOU TO-"Just then her eyes focused on the cart and the two boxes. Her face went blank as she realized there were two boxes or coffins or what the fuck were they and she screamed "NOOOOOOOO!" turning she ran down the stairs thinking '_It's not them. It's not_ _them. Their fine everything's okay.'_ The thought crossed her mind again '_ .NO!'_ She ran through the living room and Edward saw the door fly open as she ran out. Putting his hands over his shoulders he flipped himself up and as she came running towards the cart he caught her. She was screaming at him to let her go and pounding on his chest as she cried and he just pulled her into a hug and she fell to her knees on the ground and he fell with her still holding her.

Valoren watched as Winry completely broke down in Edward's arms and he tightened his grip on her as she cried. Pinako walked over and looked in the cart and touched both the boxes "Rest in peace my son." She said turning and walking back over to Edward and Winry. Edward looked up at her with distress on his face as tears fell from his eyes "I-I'm sorry I couldn't save them." He said as the old woman put her hand to his head "I know you did your best Ed." Edward was wracked with guilt at that point and when those words left her lips he lost it. Holding on to Winry he and her were sobbing together and he knew he had to tell her the truth.

Valoren walked over and tapped his shoulder "Edward we have to get them buried." He nodded to her as he leaned back and helped Winry up and walked her in the house. Walking her up those stairs and to her room was the most hardest thing he ever had to do knowing what he did and as he sat her on her bed she stared into his eyes "Y-You will tell me later what happened right Edward?"

Slightly smiling and knowing the pain she felt he nodded slowly and laid her back on the bed. He didn't speak to her because he thought if he opened his mouth he wouldn't be able to apologize enough and he would tell her everything and right now she couldn't handle that truth.

Leaving Winry in her room he walked back down stairs into the kitchen where Pinako was just sitting smoking her pipe. As she looked at him in that blue uniform he thought she could see all the way to his soul. Her eyes showed pain in them and he thought he saw disappointment as he turned "I'm sorry again that I wasn't fast enough to save them."

"It wasn't you it was that damn war that killed them." She said turning to gaze out the window as that statement went right to Edward's soul _'I killed them granny'_ he thought looking down at his hands and he now saw the Rockbell's blood on them.

Valoren knew that he was running on pure adrenaline as they and the four escorts walked to the cemetery with shovels. Edward figured that since he got them killed the least he could was dig their graves and bury them. As he began to dig the graves with the help of the other soldiers and Valoren he completely broke down as he dropped to his knees in the hole and placed his hand to his head '_Someone please help me. I can't do this anymore. What have I become? I'm a killer, murderer, the lowest of the lowest and a coward.' _And as Valoren watched him pick himself up and continue to dig he began to get angry as shovel full after shovel full of dirt flew out of the hole.

It was late when they finished digging the graves and Edward went ahead and buried the Rockbell's and as he did he also buried a part of him with them. It was the part of him that had no conscious.

They all walked back to the house and the soldiers left because their duty was done. Edward and Valoren were sitting at the kitchen table covered in dirt and sweat. He looked exhausted and she knew she was "Edward is there somewhere I can wash up and get some sleep?"

He looked up and his eyes were filled with the look of pure exhaustion "Uh…..Yeah….Sure." he said getting up and grabbing her a towel "Use the sink" He pointed to it "I'll leave so you can have some privacy."

"Why don't you let her use your make shift shower in the back yard?" Winry said standing in the doorway looking at both of them. Edward's eyes widened in surprise because he didn't expect to see her till the morning, "Dad left it up for you in case you ever came back."

"W-Winry what are you doing up?" she looked at him with his blue uniform covered in dirt and lowered her eyes "I couldn't sleep."

Edward turned to Valoren "Outside there's a hose rigged to the tree. It's going to be cold but it's a shower." She smiled feeling the tension and was happy to escape to leave them alone as she took the towel and exited the house.

Winry turned to Edward "You said you would tell me what happen Ed." He got a sick feeling in his gut as he stood there wanting to run out the door. '_Oh God_ _now?! She wants to know now?'_ he looked in those beautiful sapphire eyes that were full of sadness and he sighed and turned his head "Winry can't this wait till the morning I'm exhausted?"

He reached down and pulled his shirt off while walking to the sink and turning the water on. Placing his hands in the water he splashed it across his face. The cool water woke him up some as he turned to grab the towel there she was holding it standing in front of him staring at him and holding it out "You know Edward your birthday is tomorrow."

He took the towel and wiped his face "Really I hadn't remembered. It just doesn't seem right to celebrate birthdays anymore."

Walking closer to him she stopped inches from him "You'll be sixteen." He stared across into her eyes and she reached up and cupped his face bringing his lips to hers. He tried to back up only to be stuck between her and the counter with nowhere to go. Her lips were an inviting temptation but he knew she was an emotional wreck right now as she continued to kiss him. Dropping the towel he reached up and gently took a hold of her wrists and pulled her hands down then moved his face back "Winry I think your emotions have you not thinking clearly right now. " She laid her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his waist "Just hold me Edward please."

Winry always had a way to get to his heart it was something they had developed as children. After Al died they had gotten close and he had told her all his deepest darkest thoughts and secrets. But the secrets he held now were the most frightening and he knew she wouldn't understand. So he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close and just comforted her.

Valoren had finished with her shower and was walking past the window and she saw their tender moment. She didn't know if it was a slight feeling of jealousy or just a feeling of watching a friend in pain that shot through her. But she knew that she had grown fond of her alchemist and she didn't want to see him fall into something that wasn't good for him right now being as screwed up as he was.

She walked in and cleared her throat and Edwards head snapped up as he let go of Winry and pushed her back some "Come on I'll walk you upstairs to your room." He looked at Valoren "Follow me I'll show you where Al and I used to sleep." Then he turned and led both of them up the stairs.

Stopping in front of a bedroom he opened the door and turned to Valoren "Go ahead and pick a bed and get some rest."

She looked at him confused "Aren't you coming to bed?" knowing he was probably going to spend some time with Winry she did recognize that it was a slight bit of jealousy that reared its head in her gut.

"I'll be in later." He said slightly smiling at her and turning to walk Winry to her room. Valoren walked in the room and it smelled musty like no one had been there in years. As she sat on the bed and dropped her head in her hands _'Why am I upset he wants to spend time with her? I mean it's not like we're together or anything.'_ Realizing that spending so much time with Edward she had developed feelings for him. Not relationship kind of feelings but true friendship feelings and she was worried for him. He was so fragile inside that any stress or confrontation could send him over the edge. She knew Winry was a good friend but what would she do if she found out he was the one that started the war that got her parents killed? Valoren shuddered at the thought of her turning on him because it would tear him apart. She lifted her legs on the bed and pulled them to her chest '_Edward, be careful how you handle this'_ she knew he wanted to tell Winry the truth and it might be the last truth he ever told anyone.


	6. Chapter 6

Comfortably Miserable Chap.6

As Edward walked into Winry's room and sat on the edge of her bed she sat next to him "So Ed, tell me what happened?" She turned towards the window "I asked dad before he left to watch out for you."

Edward touched his upper arm where Mr. Rockbell had sewed his arm up "He did."

Winry turned and looked at his arm and smiled a slight smile knowing her father had helped Edward. Edward looked across the room "They tried to talk me into coming back home." He swallowed "But I couldn't" tears formed in his eyes as he turned to her "But they got me back here anyway."

She reached over and put her hand over his "You know Ed we're so imperfect but so worth it because we're not alone." She squeezed his hand tighter and looked at him "You're not alone Edward." Turning to face him she put her hand to his cheek "I'm always here for you and you know that." Then she leaned in and kissed his lips gently and he liked the taste of them as he kissed her back. But the flashes that went through his mind were enough to ruin that mood too as he leaned back and lowered his head "Winry I have done terrible things, Things you wouldn't comprehend and you would think of me as a monster."

Standing up she turned and sat down straddling his lap and with her lips inches from his "You are not a monster Edward." Then leaning in she kissed him again and he gave into her advances by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close but in his mind the memory of her parents lying there on the ground was too great to just push down. These were people that cared for him and brought him and his brother into their home and loved them when no one else would. Thinking to himself as he was lost in her kiss _'It's the permanent scars how broken we are, it's the things that hurt us all. You either hang onto your morals and die or do what it takes to survive. These scars on my heart I own them and I have to live with them and the destruction I've done. But you Winry are innocent and I don't want to corrupt you with this sin I carry.' _He leaned back and stared at her "Your birthday is five days after mine right Winry."

"Yes then I'll be sixteen" she shyly looked down and blushed "I want to give you something Edward. I want us to share our first time together." Was she serious? Why in the world would she want to share something so special with him? "Why don't you stay here with me Edward?" she smiled a slight smile "Remember our first kiss?"

He slightly smiled "Oh you mean the kiss you planted on the day we were by the river when we were eight."

Leaning in and kissing him gently again she whispered "Yes" running her hands up his bare chest over his muscles "I knew from that day that I wanted to share things with you I never wanted to share with anyone else Edward." Her touch felt good as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back. She started kissing his neck and for a moment, a split second he felt like a normal human being, just a boy with a beautiful girl sitting on his lap. But that didn't last long as he jerked backwards "Winry I can't." she was surprised as he stood up and placed her on her feet "I'm not who you think I am." He held her wrists tightly as he began to try to explain to her.

"I feel nothing Winry I'm empty inside but when I'm with you, you make me feel and I don't want to. You bring up feelings that shouldn't be inside me because I'm evil, I'm bad and corrupted and I don't want that spreading to you." His eyes pleaded with hers.

She went to move closer to him but he stopped her. He had to tell her and he knew she would probably hate him afterwards but he loved her too much to lie to her "No! Winry listen to me" He let go of her wrists and looked her right in the eyes "I-I-" having trouble with the words "I love you!" she smiled until the all fated "But" came into the sentence "I can't be with you. I love you too much to bring my destructive darkness close to you." He stepped back some and he knew this was the hardest thing he would ever say to her "Winry I am the reason your parents are dead."

She didn't think she heard him right the first time as his head lowered "W- W-What?"

He looked back up "I didn't kill them Kimblee did. But in a sense I'm the reason they were drug into that fucked up war." He stared at her coldly "I started the war Winry. I killed the child that started it."

Stunned and numb by his words she stood there processing what had just left his lips. Then like a huge wall it hit her "You started the war? You killed an innocent child? H-H-How could you?" he arms began frantically waving around "You got my parents sent there? A-A-And now their dead." She walked up and slapped him so hard across the face he felt his teeth relocate and he lifted his lowered head and through gritted teeth "I told you I was evil." Then he looked away "But I never meant for this to happen. If I could I would go back and trade my life for theirs."

She looked up with tears in her eyes "Get out Edward!" She turned around with her back to him "I don't want to talk to you anymore." He felt the bond between them slipping away quickly as he pleaded with her "Winry bonds are all that hold us in this world don't break this one I'm begging you."

She turned and stared blankly at him "Leave my sight Edward NOW!" he knew then that the only person who ever believed in him was now lost to him. He lowered his head and walked to the door and stopped and looking back at her "Remember you're the one that wanted to know what happened but I swear I will kill Kimblee for this."

She snapped "JUST GET OUT!" as she picked up a book and threw it at him and as he shut the door she completely broke down and he stood outside the door wishing there was something he could do to repair the damage he had just inflicted upon her. She loved him and he loved her but he had gotten her parents killed and he was a poison that would infect her but he was glad he had told her the truth even though she hated him now. He figured he would just leave in the morning and walk back out of her life and never come back because now there was truly nothing left for him in Resembool all his ties to this town were now broken.

Standing in the hallway Edward saw a figure appear in front of him, It was Mary "You did the right thing Edward by telling her."

He slowly raised his head "I thought you could only appear when I was near death?" Smiling at him she walked closer "You're opening yourself up more to me now Edward." He looked at her "I'm glad it was right to tell her but now I've lost the only person I ever loved and I will kill Kimblee for this."

Mary placed her hand on his shoulder "Life brings hope and pain but revenge doesn't bring redemption. You have a battle within, the good and the sin with both sides standing strong and you have freedom of choice of which one you'll give into." She started to disappear but left him with one last thing "Your past does not determine your future Edward." Then she was gone leaving him with his feelings of regret about telling Winry.

Walking into the bedroom Valoren took one look at his face and the look of defeat and hurt told her everything, not to mention she heard her yelling at him. He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed "We're leaving early in the morning." Looking up at Valoren, "I have nothing left in this town."

She sat next to him "I'm sorry Edward but I'm glad you told her the truth."

He sighed "Yeah I keep getting told that." But he felt that nothing was holding him to this world anymore. His world had just been dropped out from under him by the one person he thought would never leave him or turn her back on him. But what did he expect after the bomb he just dropped in her lap about her parents.

Winry sat on her bed with a thought of doubt and shock _'I can't believe it. I can't believe he did it. My God he got my parents killed.' _Tears began to flow down hercheeks '_I knew he was screwed up but I didn't think he was this bad. What the hell am I going to do? I still love him and my heart is breaking._' She looked at the window '_He needs to be stopped_.' She got a look of determination '_Or just_ _physically injured to slow him down_.' She laid there and contemplated thoughts of how to forgive him and she knew deep in her heart that he would get revenge for her parents but who would save him.

Valoren put her hand on Edward's shoulder "Where are we going tomorrow?"

"We're going into enemy territory so I suggest you leave your uniform or pack it deep in your bag where **SHE **can't find it." He started to shake some as his face got a horrified look on it because was talking about his teacher Izumi Curtis the woman who taught him everything he knew. She hated the military and he knew he was in for an ass kicking when he got there but he needed to see her husband Sig. Sig was the closest thing Edward had left to a father and when he lived with them he and Sig had gotten close and he could tell Sig anything and right now he needed him.

Valoren noticed he was shaking and she slid her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug "Who is she Edward and why are you so scared of her?" He leaned into her hug because it felt good to be hugged as he explained to Valoren about Izumi. Edward laid his head on her shoulder and everything he had been through today came to the surface as tears began to roll down his cheeks "It's over, everything's gone. My life is a complete catastrophe and worst of all I've hurt the only person that ever gave a shit about me and truly believed in me. That's what is killing me right now, I never should have come back here." Valoren leaned back and looked at him "I'm sure she'll forgive you Edward, just give her some time." She got up and walked to her bed "Let's get some shut eye okay you look exhausted."

Edward slightly smiled at her and lay back on the bed "Thank you Val for being here with me. I probably would have just given up by now."

Crawling into bed she turned to turn the light off "Get some sleep." Then turning it off she rolled over and stared at the wall thinking about how good it felt to hold him in her arms. He was so fragile but strong and he'd had a rough childhood that Mustang had used for his advantage and she thought that was bullshit. She closed her eyes and tried to get some sleep because she didn't know how long this trip was going to be.

Before the sun even came up that morning Edward tapped her on the shoulder "Come on get up time to go." He was already dressed and she looked up at him knowing he hadn't gotten any sleep.

She shoved her uniform deep into her bag as she put her purple shirt on and black leather pants. Edward had his back turned to her and pulled his red jacket out of the closet and put it on. Throwing his blue military uniform across the bed he wanted to leave that part behind. Valoren really didn't get to meet Pinako and Winry because of the extenuating circumstances but they were introduced and she could tell by the look in Edward's eyes when he saw Winry they had something special but now that look was clouded by hurt and regret. Walking to the train station he never said a word but before he boarded the train he looked back one last time and sighed as his foot hit the boarding step.

Winry had woken up early and she knew she had to talk to Edward this morning because in a sick sort of twisted way she still loved him and she thought they could work through this if she only knew more details. As she walked to the bedroom to check on him she opened the door and noticed him and Valoren were gone. She walked in and found his uniform lying across the bed and she picked it up, turning and sitting on the bed she held it to her nose, it still smelled like him as she closed her eyes and remembered their kiss from the night before. Looking around she noticed his clothes and red jacket were gone then she saw the note on the nightstand that just read

_I'm sorry Winry nothing I can ever do will change what I have done and always remember you mean more to me than life itself._

_I truly love you Ed_

She stared to cry some then she ran to her room and got dressed and took off running down the stairs as Pinako watched her run out the front door and down the road _'Always chasing that boy'_ she thought. Will she ever learn that Edward is a loose cannon but she didn't care she had to try to see if she could still look in his eyes and see if the boy she once knew was still in there. But as she reached the station she was too late as she saw the caboose of the train about a quarter of a mile away _'NO! Damn it I need to see him. Where the hell is he going?_' she thought as she felt her heart sink thinking of him traveling with Valoren and thinking she didn't love him anymore. But what she didn't know was that his heart had always belonged to her and no other girl could catch his eye and many had tried. Besides Valoren was his bodyguard and they had become somewhat friends while they were together and she did truly care for him but that was as far as it went at least that's what Edward thought. Valoren had developed a little crush on Edward but who wouldn't he was awfully handsome. But she knew it would never develop into anything because of the look in his eyes when he looked at Winry, But a girl could hope right?


	7. Chapter 7

AN: OMG is this screwed up or what? I think I'm even lost in this story.

Comfortably Miserable Chap.7

Sitting on the train Edward ordered a sandwich and as it sat in front of him untouched '_Happy fucking birthday to me' _he stared out the window '_it's the wars we rage the lives that we take for better or for worse. It's the lion we cage the truth and the rage that keeps us wanting more…more. No. I'm ready to turn my back on this world because all it has caused me is emptiness and pain. There has to be more to life than this, a higher calling that I missed, but every day I find myself closer to the edge ready to jump freely.' _ His attention went back to his sandwich which was now missing a bite as he looked over at Valoren "Did you take a bite of my sandwich?"

She smiled "You can't prove anything" she swallowed "Because I just swallowed it whole." He put his hand to his head and shook it as he groaned "Ooooo." She pointed out to him "You're the one who drug me out here without any money remember?" Then he looked up and grinned at her and pushed the bitten half towards her "Here don't say I never gave you anything."

She gladly accepted the half of sandwich and started scarfing it down. On her third bite she noticed he was staring at her as she shyly wiped her mouth and swallowed "Aren't you going to eat yours?" He smiled a soft smile "Yeah I was just wondering if I should order another one though?" Did she look that hungry? Well he had rushed her out without any breakfast and she hadn't eaten anything really the day before. So he turned and ordered another sandwich and when it came he split that one with her too.

With their stomachs full and the train rocking back and forth both of them dozed off. Edward awoke first to find her head on his shoulder so he stayed as still as he could to let her get some rest because he knew she hadn't got that much the night before and he needed her on her A-game when they got to Dublith. He closed his eyes again and dozed back off and his head leaned to the left and came to rest on top of hers. When she awoke she noticed his head was a top of hers and she didn't want to move but as she tried to move hers his slid around to face her and their faces were millimeters apart and she froze_ 'Oh my gosh.. oh my gosh…don't move'_ she thought because if she moved anymore their lips would meet. His eyes opened slowly and they stared at each other for a moment then his eyes widened realizing the closeness of the situation and he moved his head back "Uhhh…how did you sleep?"

She cleared her throat as she sat up "Uh…great. Just great." They both moved apart some "That's good" he said leaning against the window again as she scooted to the other side of the seat_. 'Awkwaaaard'_ she thought to herself as she fidgeted with her clothes and Edward smiled a half smile as he looked out the window as both of them felt very uncomfortable at his moment.

Arriving in Dublith was a relief for them because it cured the awkward silence between them but Edward knew what was coming and he prepared Valoren for it "Whatever you do stand off to the side of me." She gave him a confused look, "What?"

As they got to the door of Izumi and Sig's butcher shop he looked at her then knocked then he turned and pushed her to the side and as the door came flying open a foot caught him in the face and the door almost slammed into Valoren face. Edward flew backwards then stood up "I see you haven't lost your touch teacher." He said walking up to her as she balled up her fist and clobbered him sending him around the door and his head smashed into Valoren's forehead and again their lips were inches apart "DAAAAMN!" he said grabbing his head as she yelled and grabbed her head.

Izumi's eyes widened hearing a girl yell and she grabbed the door and swung it closed and when she saw Valoren her whole demeanor changed "Why Ed you didn't tell me you brought company." She looked Valoren up and down "Who is this beautiful girl?" Edward still holding his head "This is Valoren" he said finally getting her name right.

"Well nice to meet one of Edward's friends oooor is it something else Edward?" Izumi gave him a sly look. Edward dropped his hand "No she's a friend."

"Well then come in my stupid pupil I have been hearing things about you and I want to know if there true?" Izumi said grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him into the house. She threw him onto the couch literally across the room "I hear you've been doing unspeakable things Edward." Her eyes narrowed "Now tell me the truth."

"Honey" Sig walked into the room "Dinner is on the table shall I set two more places?" She looked at him lovingly "Yes darling that would be great." Turning back to Edward she crossed her arms across her chest "We'll eat first and talk afterwards you idiot."

"Yes ma'am" Edward said dropping his head and Valoren just stared in confusion at the whole situation he was so submissive towards her but then again she did just clobber his ass.

After dinner Edward and Sig went outside and Izumi and Valoren were left to talk. Valoren thought this would be a good time to get more information on Edward "So how long have you known Ed?" Izumi asked cleaning the table off.

Valoren got up to help "Well just a few months. I was assigned to him as a sniper to watch his back. He has a lot of people that want him dead." She walked over to put the dishes in the sink and stood by Izumi and they both looked out the window at him. Valoren turned to Izumi "He seems so lost sometimes but right now he's smiling." She turned to Izumi "I've never seen him smile like that before."

Izumi turned and slightly smiled as she watched Sig and Edward laughing "My husband and Edward have a special relationship. Edward can tell Sig anything and it seemed the more I tried to get that boy to learn the more he suppressed and withdrew." She started washing dishes and handing them to Valoren to dry "I took Al and him on as students after their mother passed. I think Edward was six and Al was five but they were eager to learn and I just fell in love with their little faces." She stopped and looked at Edward again "Six months into their training they went back to Resembool for a visit and that's when Al was killed. When Edward returned he had a new arm and he was never the same. Sig was the only one that could get through to him. He told me a boy sometimes needs someone to tell his secrets and thoughts to. So as long as he did his lessons I never complained and I knew when he was old enough he would take what I taught him and go after the boys who killed Al." She motioned for Valoren to sit down as they walked to the table "I don't like what Edward has become but I love him like a son and I will never turn my back on him." Looking out the window again they saw Edward smiling and laughing with Sig "That is the boy I remember with his brother, always laughing, Not the killer the military turned him into."

Valoren looked out the window one last time and saw Edward's face get a serious look then his head went down and she saw him talking and by the look on Sig's face she knew it was a serious conversation. Izumi stood up and smiled and walking to the door "Are you two about finished this girl in here looks exhausted."

Edward looked up at Izumi and smiled a half smile at her. She was the closest thing he had to a mother and he respected her for her fighting skills and he loved her for taking him and his brother on as pupils but he mostly loved her for being there for him and dealing with all the shit he went through after Al died.

"Are you good now?" Sig looked over at Edward "Yeah" Edward said jumping down off the brick wall they were sitting on and walking to the door.

Izumi grabbed him by the shirt collar as he walked by her and pulled him to her face and his eyes widened "I don't like what you've done with your life Ed." She growled then her face softened "But I do love you." His head lowered in shame at what she said first "I know teacher and thank you." She let him go and watched him walk over to Valoren and tell her to follow him '_What am I gonna do with him?' _she thought as she crossed her arms and Sig walked up beside her sliding his hand around her waist "Don't worry Izumi he's finally starting to pull his head out of his ass by the way he was talking outside." She smiled at Sig wondering now what Edward had told him but she didn't pry because that was between them.

Edward and Valoren started walking up the stairs and right before the top stair Edward heard Izumi yell "WATCH OUT FOR THAT-"she heard a crash "LOOSE FLOORBOARD!"

Valoren had landed on top of Edward as he tried to catch her as she tripped over the floorboard. They were now face to face again lips inches apart with her hands on each side of his head. Looking up he smiled at her "Well this is not such a good predicament we're in is it?" He asked as his cheeks flushed pink.

She smiled slightly "I don't know I kind of like being on top." Edward stared at her blankly then cracked a sideways smile "Yeah women always like to be in control." She pushed herself off of him and sat next to him as he sat up "I don't know about that sometimes we like it when men take control." She said raising an eyebrow at him before she stood up and put her hand out to him to help him up. He thought it was nice to have someone to kid around with. He hadn't had anyone this close to him in a long time and he needed to let loose some as a boy not a soldier and Valoren seemed to join right in she thought a little harmless flirting was good for people sometimes.

"Come on I'll tell you more about women's preferences later." She smiled as he looked at her strangely then shrugged his shoulders "O… Okay" as they walked to the bedroom he and Al used to share together. Opening the door Edward was taken back to the last time he and his brother were together in this room. He stopped for a minute and Valoren knew he was remembering something as she stood behind him. He was lost to her for a few seconds till she placed her hand on his shoulder and he shook his head coming back to present time.

"It's been a while since I was in here" He said walking into the room as she followed and looked around. There were alchemy books laying everywhere and pieces of paper waded up and thrown into a trash can that was over flowing "I see teacher didn't touch the room." He said picking up a piece of paper and unfolding it, looking at it he smiled and then crumbled it up again then threw it pack in the trash.

Valoren walked to one of the beds and sat down "Looks like you and your brother were into drawing things."

He sat on the other bed "Yeah they were transmutation circles. We were trying to figure out a way to bring our mother back." He looked away "Before we went to visit that time." His head lowered then he looked up "How about you? You never told me how your brother died."

She sighed and looked up at him "It was a train accident." Looking at the window "We were on our way to my grandmothers to visit. Victor was passing between two cars and slipped falling under the train and it killed him instantly."

Edward's eyes widened "Wow."

Meanwhile Winry had exited the train in Dublith knowing Edward had nowhere else to go and he would turn to his teacher for a sanctuary. Knowing since he left his uniform behind, he wasn't returning back to the war. She had to talk to him to and let him know that her feelings hadn't changed but that she was just upset to learn what his role in the whole war was. Walking through the streets she felt confident she would be able to get through to him.

Valoren continued to tell Edward about her brother "He was the only person I looked up to. He was funny, strong and a really good cook." Tears began to form in her eyes "He used to make breakfast every Saturday morning for us." She dropped her head into her hands "I miss him sooo much." And she began to cry harder.

Edward got up and sat down next to her as he reluctantly put his arm around her and pulled her into a hug. "Do you want to know the reason I ever really wanted to die? It's not that I really want to die, no… it is never that. It isn't that I'm giving up on life. I want to die because I know once I'm dead I won't carry this burden, this loneliness and emptiness inside." He knew her pain too well and the loss as he held onto her as she cried. She was just a fragile as he was inside and maybe that's what led to the next complication that they faced. Her crying slowed as she leaned her head back some "I'm sorry." He looked in her eyes and saw the pain he knew was in his and at that moment she looked into his and they both began to move forward. Not knowing what was drawing their faces together, maybe just curiosity from the close calls they had all day or just a sense of wanting some physical contact with someone in their pain. As their lips met Edward's cheeks turned a shade of pink and after one kiss he leaned back "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that."

Valoren smiled then her eyes widened and she pointed behind him "Uh Edward."

He turned to see Winry staring in the window '_Oooooh Fuck'_ and the look on her face was pure hurt and anger as the tears flowed from her eyes and she turned and began to run down the street.

Edward couldn't believe she was here as his thoughts raced he jumped up and ran out of the house after her '_What the fuck is she doing here?' _catching up to her was not easy as he dodged people on the sidewalk _'Boy she can run fast' _he thought picking up his pace.

He found her in the train station buying a ticket "WINRY!" he yelled out of breath "What are you doing here?" She turned and glared at him with tears in her eyes  
"Well I was coming to see you because I was worried about you. But it looks like you're in capable hands or should I say lips."

His voice cracked "That….Oh that was just a lapse in judgment" he walked forward "A mistake Winry."

She backed up and turned and grabbed her ticket from the counterman then turned back around "That was a pretty smooth tongue action lapse in judgment Ed." He smacked his forehead "I KNOW!" he yelled then lowered his voice "I told you Winry I screw up everything."

She pulled the note out of her pocket and threw it in his face. "So this was a lie Edward you don't love me more than life itself."

"NO!" he tripped over his words "I-I do love you more than life itself" he sighed and walked forward "Winry I just don't want to corrupt you with the destruction of my life." She got pissed then "Oh so it's okay to corrupt Valoren though?"

"NO!" he yelled back "She's already corrupted with her own life." Winry raised an eyebrow at him "So you're going to corrupt each other is that it?"

Edward walked up to her "No Winry I told you it was a lapse in judgment and it isn't going to happen again." He didn't want to discuss this anymore because that lapse in judgment just almost fucked his whole rational thinking up "I'm sorry I wanted a little human contact something I had with you." Her other eyebrow rose, "Only that wasn't me Edward." He rubbed his hand down his face _'I just_ _keep digging myself in deeper'_ He had finally had enough of this discussion "Winry just go home I'm no good for you."

"Fine Edward I'll go home" she turned her back to him "I can't believe I have loved you this long and now you treat me like this." He stepped forward and took her wrists "I told you there are things I have done that would make you look at me in a totally different light Winry and I don't want that. Remember you're the one that told me to leave that night."

She stared at him and her eyes narrowed "I told you to leave my room Edward remember you're the one that chose to come here." She tried to pull away from him "I don't understand you Edward I thought-"she lowered her head "I thought we could have a life together?"

Lowering his head he whispered "Maybe in another life Winry. Don't get me wrong I do love you and if there was a chance" He looked in her eyes "Any chance that we could be together I would take it willingly only knowing you would be safe from me and this crazy ass life of mine."

Winry just pulled her wrists from his grasp and huffed "Well I guess that will never happen then Edward not the way you're going." Then she turned and walked towards the train leaving him to wonder if he'd just made a fatal mistake. He loved her but he couldn't see a future with her right now because of his past and now he had made another fatal mistake by kissing Valoren.

As he watched her board the train Mary appeared beside him "Edward I feel your pain and I know it hurts to let her go but maybe right now it's for the best."

He turned to her and angrily "FOR THE BEST! FOR THE BEST! MY WHOLE WORLD JUST WALKED AWAY FROM ME." He looked at her confused "How could you say that?" then he turned and walked slowly back to Izumi's butcher shop. Mary knew what was going to happen and she knew this had to happen for Edward's past to catch up with his future.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: The battlefield of the mind we all have it at certain times it's the times when the devil lies to us and tries to make us weak, hopeless and worthless. But we have to stand strong and keep our thoughts on Gods way of thinking or we can be lost forever.

Comfortably Miserable Chap.8

'_I can't believe I chased him all the way here_.' Winry adjusted herself in the train seat '_I'm out of my fucking mind. How could he do this to me? Loves me more than life itself…..HA!'_ she stared out the window then a thought came over her and she remembered what he said about if there was any way they could be together without his life corrupting her he'd take it. She thought long and hard '_I love you through the sadness and the madness that has taken you from me. What if you were taken from the sadness and the madness of your life Edward Elric? Then you would be at peace and you could be mine forever in my heart.'_ Feeling like the only way to save Edward from himself was to take his life Winry thought long and hard about it and every scenario she ran in her mind ended the same way. Edward would have to die before they could be together. She smacked her head "I've completely lost my mind" she thought as her guardian angel appeared and saw Lucifer sitting next to her.

"What are you doing? Leave her alone." Donna-Grace walked forward "Haven't you done enough damage to the Elric soul?"

Lucifer stood "Ah, Donna-Grace good to see you. Me and this girls mind are having a conversation about love and loyalty."

"What do you know about that? All you know about is revenge, lies, killing, stealing and destroying." She raised her hand "Be gone devil and leave this soul alone. She doesn't need your help to get through this she needs Gods unconditional love to mend her heart."

Lucifer laughed a creepy laugh "Keep telling her that Donna-Grace but look at the look on her face." Smiling a creepy smile at the guardian angel of Winry he whispered "I've already planted the seed in her mind." And with that he was gone leaving Donna- Grace to try to undo his damage in Winry's head. Donna-Grace knew she had to talk to her Archangel Uriel about how to handle this but right now she needed to stay and make sure Winry's thinking went back to forgiveness.

As Edward walked back to Izumi's thoughts keep rushing through his _mind 'Regret I'm pretty sure we have met every single day of my life you're the whisper inside that won't let me forget. Defeat I recognize you, just when I think I can win you drag me right back down again till I've lost all belief' He thought_. Mary tried to calm his mind as she whispered _'These are the voices and these are the lies don't believe them Ed.'_ He stopped and grabbed his head "SHUT UP!" he yelled "I can't take it anymore." There was a battle going on in his mind a battle for salvation of his soul and spirit that he thought was long damned to darkness but his light, Mary had been showing up more frequently and she wasn't about to give up on him just yet "Fight Edward. You have to be stronger than him." She said as Edward dropped his hand and began to walk down the street to Izumi's again.

Lucifer then played a cruel joke on Edward as he heard "Brother" his head shot up "Al? Al is that you?" he heard in his mind the voice of his long dead brother "Ed listen to me. You're a killer and you're the best at what you do don't listen to the side of you that tells you that you can be forgiven. You've done terrible things brother." Edward listened then stopped in front of Izumi's door and grabbed his head "AHHHHHH GET OUT!" he fell to his knees as Izumi opened the door.

"Ed" she leaned down and put his arm around her shoulder and helped him in the house as she sat him on the couch. The look in his eyes was a faraway look as she tried to talk to him "Edward, talk to me." She looked up as Sig came into the room "I don't know what's wrong with him he won't answer me."

Al's voice echoed in Edward's head "You'll never have a life with Winry if you did you'd kill her Ed." Lucifer laughed then his voice came into Edward's head "I own your soul and you have been a warrior for me for too long to change now Elric. You're damned" He laughed "DAMNED I TELL YOU!" his laugh lingered through Edward's head as he grabbed it again "NOOOOOOOO!" then fell to the floor.

Izumi leaned down "Edward can you hear me?" He looked up horrified through his bangs at her "Yes teacher I hear you." She breathed a sigh of relief "Are you losing your mind Edward?" She helped him up and sat him on the couch again "Who the hell were you yelling at?"

Edward looked shaken as he looked at her and his eyes widened "Al" he whispered to her "It was Alphonse he was talking in my head teacher."

She thought he'd gone crazy "Edward what are you talking about? Alphonse is dead." She looked up at Sig then back to Edward "I think you need some rest." She nodded to Sig knowing Edward was on the verge of a psychotic break and Sig balled up his fist raising it in the air "I'm sorry Edward but it's for your own good." Then he threw a punch that landed on Edward's cheek and sent him in to a state of unconsciousness.

Valoren walked through the door just in time to see the punch that rendered Edward to the couch face down "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" she ran over and knelt down by the couch and flipped him over "ED. ED ANSWER ME!" she yelled shaking him.

"Oh he'll be out for a while" Izumi said crossing her arms over her chest then placing her hand on her chin "He said Al was talking to him in his head." She knew this wasn't good "His mind can't take much more he's going to break soon." She turned to Sig "I fear for his mental state darling. I just don't know if I can help him but right now he needs rest."

She placed her hand on Valoren shoulder "Don't worry he'll be fine after some rest." She rolled her eyes and sighed "I hope."

Valoren stood up and turned to Izumi "Do you know if he caught up to Winry?" Izumi's eyes widened "Winry?" Valoren's head dropped "Yeah she was here and she caught me and Edward in a sort of lip lock."

"I see" Izumi turned and walked to the window "That's probably what sent him over the edge. Winry has always been Edward's first love and for him to see her hurt like that was probably more than he could handle."

Winry had rode the train to Rush Valley because she thought visiting her friend Garfiel would cheer her up. As she got to his shop and walked in he greeted her with open arms as she spilled tears over his shoulder about Edward.

"He's an ass Winry and you could do so much better. But I know you love him deeply so I'll shut up now." He said turning and handing her a hankie to wipe her eyes.

"I know" she said between sniffles "And yes I do love him more than anything." Sitting down on the chair her eyes wondered around his shop "Wow you've fixed the place up quite nicely since I was her last." He smiled "Oh yeah a little of this and a little of that and the whole look changed." Her eyes wondered to the cash register then the shelf below it where he always kept his gun and there it was sitting on the shelf calling to her. She shook the thought from her head as he invited her out to dinner before she left tomorrow.

That morning Winry awoke before Mr. Garfiel and she went down stairs and wrote him a note. As she reached under the cash register and took his pistol and put it in her bag _'One way or the other Edward I will save you'_ she thought as she walked out the door towards the train station.

Edward opened his eyes slowly that morning '_Fuck what hit me a train?' _feeling the pain in his jaw that was slightly swollen as he rubbed it.

"Good morning" Valoren said staring at him from her bed across the room "I thought you'd never wake up."

Moving his hand to the back of his neck and rubbing it "Let me guess….Sig." he said looking up at her.

She smiled a cheesy smile "Yeaaah you were a little freaked out and out of your mind yesterday." He sat up straight and stretched then looked back at her "Listen Valoren I'm really sorry about kissing you. I don't know why I even did it."

"It's okay I don't know why I kissed you maybe we both just wanted some connection." She said cracking a grin knowing she had enjoyed kissing him she wouldn't have any complaints at a repeat mistake. She stood up and turned to him "I'm going to take a walk around town and get out of here for a while." Edward knew she was probably bored out of her mind watching him sleep "Okay I'm going to stay here and try to figure my life out." She turned and walked to the door "Well good luck with that" and she went to walk out but stopped and turned to face him again "Edward don't try to analyze it too much. I know you feel like you have no one in the world that cares but I do." He looked at her puzzled '_How_ _could anyone care about me?'_ he thought then smiled at her "Thanks Val." He said rubbing the back of his head as she turned and left closing the door behind her.

Edward sat there staring out the window then reaching down he picked up Valoren's rifle '_I should just eat a bullet. I mean_ _what have I got left in this God forsaken world?'_ a voice came from behind him "God didn't forsake the world Edward the world abandoned God." Edward was startled to see Mary "Do you always have to sneak up on me like that?" She smiled a bright smile "I'm sorry I just need to talk to you."

He sighed "If it's about God I'm not sure I know what to say. You see me and God haven't really been introduced in my life." She walked forward and stood in front of him "Edward what would you give to get your life back on track?" she saw the look on his face as he thought about it "I would give my life for my mother, brother and the Rockbells to be alive again." Knowing that could never happen she smiled "See I knew your heart was still in there." He looked up at her "Lately I find myself thinking twice before I act and I don't know why. It's like there's something else driving me to strive for a higher purpose." Lucifer appeared behind him "Mary you're not going to save this one he's already mine." She put her hand up "Get out of here devil he's not yours yet our Lord will decide that."

Edward turned around wondering what she was looking at because he couldn't see anyone. Lucifer placed his hand on Edward's shoulder and a cold chill shot through Edward and he had trouble breathing as he smelt the stench of burning brimstone and flesh. It was the most awful thing he ever smelt "What the hell is that?" he said wrapping his arms around himself as his teeth began to chatter and he could see his breath in the air.

"Let him GO!" she yelled as a bright light began to glow all around her. Lucifer backed down "Fine I'll let him go for now but remember he has to accept the Lord in order to save himself and he doesn't even believe." Then he was gone as Edward jumped from the bed "MARY WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" She turned and her eyes narrowed "Hell is right Edward" she turned away "Other worldly things do exist, like the devil, demons, angels and God. There is a fight going on that has spanned over thousands of years and the souls and spirits of the living are in jeopardy. Lucifer want's to corrupt man but our Lord died for the world's sins to save man. You must figure out if you want our lord to save you Edward or if you want to do the devils bidding for eternity?" She turned to him and smiled "I know deep in your soul and spirit your good Edward, you're not as corrupted and full of sin as you think you are."

"H-How, How do I get this lord of yours to listen to me?" Edward asked curiously because doing the devils bidding was not something he wanted to do for eternity, He wanted to see his mother and brother again.

As Mary faded away "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." as he looked around she was gone '_Great what do I do now? Open my heart? I don't even think I have a heart. Could it be that someone actually died for my sins?'_ He walked over and put his shirt on and left the room to go talk to Sig but still he didn't think telling Sig he was talking to an angel would be the best move so he thought he'd keep that to himself '_Don't want people thinking I've completely lost my crackers.'_

Valoren had been window shopping when a man, well half man and he had a tail told her that someone wanted to see her. When she objected his friends came out of the alleyway and persuaded her to a bar called the Devil's nest.

As she was escorted into the basement of the bar a guy in leather pants, a vest that was the most fluffiest thing she ever seen around his neck, and dark glasses walked up to her as they threw her to the floor "Whoa, Whoa boys careful with the lady." He said in a sexy voice walking up to her and bending down in front of her "Hey little lady I have a proposition for you."

She looked up at him slowly "I'm not making any deal with you. I don't care who you are."

He stood up and threw his hands in the air "I'm Greed. I want money, women, power, sex, status, and glory. Hell I want EVERYTHING!" he said smiling at her then he raised an eyebrow "That includes you my dear."

She struggled over her words "W-What?" giving him a confused look "Like I said I don't even know you." She said standing up knowing that maybe she was in over her head _'Where the hell is Edward and my rifle? I knew I should have brought the fucking thing' _as she stood Greed reached over and smacked her ass "Well maybe we should get to know each other then."

She spun around and smacked his hand and brought her hand up and scratched his face "Not like that we're not you asshole" as she threw a punch at him but he caught her hand and slammed her to the wall "Look girly I want you to do us all a favor and kill the Fullmetal kid." She struggled against his grasp as he continued to speak "He's become quite the problem for us."

"Us? Who else are you in cahoots with?" Trying to get information out of Greed as she noticed where she had scratched him had already healed "Just what the hell are you?"

He let go of her and spun around "I am a homunculus an artificially created human and I'm not in cahoots with anyone but myself." He stepped back from her "I guess I have to prove it." He looked at one of his guys that took an axe to his head and split it in half as Valoren watched in horror. His head began to regenerate itself "Edward Elric has killed some of my men. He's completely out of his mind and stopping him is a problem for my friends here. So if you just put a bullet in his head it would save us all a lot of grief." His face had healed itself _'How could this be?' _she thought starring at Greed stunned "You're completely out of your mind. My sworn duty is to protect him." Greed smiled deviously "Yes what better person to get the job done."


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Psalm 54:1 Come with great power, O God, and rescue me! Defend me with your might. 2 Listen to my prayer, O God. Pay attention to my plea. 3 For strangers are attacking me; violent people are trying to kill me. They care nothing for God.

Comfortably Miserable chap.9

As Edward walked down the street with Valoren's sniper rifle over his shoulder _'Now where would a sniper run off to for this long?' _he thought looking in all the shops. A little man poked his head out of an alley "If you tell me your secrets I'll tell you where she is." Edward's eyes narrowed as he walked over to the little man "How about I just beat the crap out of you?" then he proceeded to beat the shit out of him. "Now you'll tell me where she is anyway…Right."

"Yes…Yes just don't hit me again" The little man lead Edward to the Devils nest as he drug him by the feet behind him "Now where lizard man?" Edward asked turning and looking down at him. The man pointed "In there" at a door at the end of the hall. When he walked up to it Edward could hear people talking inside then he heard Valoren's voice and he chucked the little man through the door before him. As the little man crashed into another guy he walked through the door and looked at Valoren seated on the floor "It never crossed my mind you could get kidnapped?" He said looking through his bangs.

Valoren rolled her eyes "Yeah it never occurred to me either" she said sarcastically as she glanced at him.

"So you're the Fullmetal alchemist? Well I have a bone to pick with you about two of my people that you ran into and killed." Greed starred at Edward knowing full well by the look in the boy's eyes he really wasn't amused at this time while keeping an eye on the girl "So this is all over two of your people that must have gotten in my way?" Edward walked forward "Why kidnap her why not just come after me?"

"Careful Edward I watched his friend smash his head in and it grew back." Edward's raised an eyebrow "Reaally?" he turned to Greed "What the fuck are you to regenerate yourself like that?"

"I'm a homunculus you arrogant asshole. I'm Greed the avaricious and I want everything starting with you dead, for my FRIENDS!" Greed yelled as Edward's eyes widened "A homunculus? I've only read about them I never actually knew they existed." He put his hand to his chin "These friends of yours I really don't remember then. Refresh my memory homunculus."

"The girl was part snake her name was Martel, and the guy was Roa he was part cow." Greed saw Edward thinking then Edward snapped his fingers "Oh yeah the girl tried to strangle me with a love hug on my neck while the guy tried to rearrange my brain cells with a pipe." He shot Valoren a look as he clapped his hands together "Sorry about your friends but I couldn't have them doing that to me." He swung her sniper rifle around his neck and turned it into a machine gun looked up and winked at her then threw it to her "Congratulations you just went up to bad ass bitch." She caught it and grinned "Fuuuck yeaaaah!" aiming it at Greed's other men she began firing as Edward jumped in the air and did a spin kicking Greed in the face and sending him backwards into the wall. Turning to Valoren Edward yelled "GET OUT NOW!"

"I'm not leaving you!" she snapped back at him as he turned to her "That's an order!" she groaned and knew she couldn't disobey a direct order so she shot her way out.

Greed stood up and touched his jaw "Pretty good kick kid but now take a look at my ultimate shield." As he transformed Edward thought '_Fucking great I thought I was going to be able to relax today.' _Watching Greed transform he also thought he'd never seen anything look quite as ugly as Greed was. To Edward he reminded him of a demon '_Was this what Mary was talking about? That demon's actually do exist?' _ He found himself listening to the angels words over in his mind these past few days. He was starting to notice things he didn't notice before. He knew fighting Greed wasn't going to be easy so he was going to have to use his chemical mind as Greed explained to him that his shield was made of carbon.

As they fought and Edward got more beat up he finally realized that he could probably change the alchemic reaction in Greed's shield. So as he was thrown across the room into the wall and slid down he came up with a plan. With his sword torn off his arm and lying on the ground Edward stood up and as Greed threw a punch Edward blocked which disrupted Greed's shield and he looked down shocked "What the hell was that?" Running at each other again Edward clapped his hands and pushed into Greed's stomach then flipped and set parts of the ground sticking into his stomach "What the hell did you do?" Greed wheezed out as Edward stood up "Pretty simple really you shouldn't have told me your shield was carbon. The hardness of carbon varies depending on how the atoms are arranged so once I figured that out the rest is simple alchemy."

Greed growled as he ran towards Edward "THERE'S ONE MORE THING I NOTICED YOU CAN'T HARDEN YOUR SHIELD AND HEAL AT THE SAME TIME!" he yelled sending Greed backwards as he grabbed his stomach "It's seems I underestimated you." He said standing up "We'll continue this later alchemist." He turned and ran out the door as Edward grabbed his stomach and fell to his knees '_Crap this hurts'_ stumbling to his feet he walked out the door and through the bar then out to the street to find Valoren waiting. She saw him and ran up to him "Boy you look like shit." She said throwing his arm around her neck and helping him "Thanks." He said leaning on her because that was one hell of an exhausting fight.

All the way back to Izumi's he wondered why he had fought Greed usually he would have just shot Valoren himself and called her a casualty of war. '_What is happening to me?'_

Winry had exited the train in Dublith and made it to Izumi's house. She told Izumi she needed to talk to Edward and she would wait for him in his room. That was all she said and Izumi was curious as to why she came back. Edward and Valoren had got into the house without Izumi seeing them and he went into the bathroom and ran a bath to wash the blood off and to soak.

As he lowered himself into the bath every part of his body hurt. He laid back and submerged himself lying in the tub with just his face out of the water. '_Who is this Lord of Mary's? It is strange and hard to believe that someone actually died for my sins.' _ He looked at the ceiling '_God if your there listening to me what is happening to me?_' he looked at his hands and saw all the blood of all the people he killed '_My mother and brother would be so disappointed in me. Winry has left me and I have no one else' _ Lifting himself to a sitting position in the bath and ringing his hair out he was startled by a voice next to him "Hello Edward" He jumped and covered his privates with his hands "MARY DO YOU MIND?" She smiled "I've seen it all before Edward but if you insist." She turned around "I've come to warn you you're in serious danger." He scoffed "When am I not in danger Mary?" Her voice softened "No Edward this is different it's someone you trust that's going to kill you."

"Kill me?" his eye's narrowed "What are you talking about Mary?" she turned to face him "We don't have much time I must tell you about our lord. He came thousands of years ago in a human body and his destiny was to die for the world's sins then on the third day he was raised from the dead. This Edward included your sins, His name was Jesus and he was a teacher and healer of the people and his love for humanity was great. All you have to do my beautiful soul and spirit Edward is confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

Edward moved his fingers in a circular motion for her to turn around as he stood up and she handed him a towel over her shoulder "Believe me Mary I've been pondering this thing since you told me about it and I think I'm beginning to understand it now." He put the towel around him and walked in front of her "It's nice to know someone cares about me as much as you do." He lowered his head "I'm sorry you had to see all the bad things I did though." She walked over and pulled his chin up "I know Lucifer has been messing with your mind in your brother's voice Edward but I must tell you your brother is in the space between here and the father. He refused to go on so he's on the middle plane."

"What does that mean? Is he safe from this Lucifer?" Edward was concerned now but Mary assured him Al was completely safe from Lucifer and he calmed down "I just wanted to warn you to be careful with someone close to you Edward." He smiled as he put his hand on the doorknob "I will Mary and thank you and I'll consider what you told me about." Then she was gone and he was headed for his room as he ran into Izumi in the hallway "Edward I didn't know you were back." She raised an eyebrow at him as she reached up and wiped some blood he missed from his lip "Winry is waiting for you in your room. She seemed very persistent on talking to you." Edward remembered Mary's words about someone close to him then he thought about Winry '_She couldn't hurt a fly unless it was on my head and she had a wrench to throw at it.' _

Winry stood in his room hands shaking and knees knocking wondering if this was actually the best way to break his concentration long enough for her to, well kill him and set him free. She heard the doorknob turn and stood up with her back facing the door and she reached down and held onto her bag that was resting on her shoulder. As Edward entered and shut the door he saw her standing there with her back to him wearing his red jacket "Winry what are you doing back here?" he asked as she turned slowly and saw him standing there, hair drenched and flowing over his shoulders and he was in a towel from the waist down with water beading on his skin '_Oooooh Crap'_ she thought as she grasp the front of his jacket and held it tightly to her body to cover herself then she slowly walked up to him and stood in front of him "Edward we need to talk."

But by this point she wasn't thinking about talking "Ooo okay" he said looking her up and down. She got really close to him and looked at his automail arm as she touched it slightly "Your arm it needs to be fixed." She was so close that their cheeks were almost touching as she turned her face and leaned in and kissed him. They were little drawn out kisses and pecks at first and she thought about just putting him out of his misery right then as she started to lift the gun from her bag _'I could stick it right under your chin and pull the trigger as I kiss you goodbye my love.' _But then he did something that caught her off guard as he drove his tongue deep into her mouth _'WAIT!'_ he had never kissed her like this. Their kisses were usually pecks or long drawn out lip locks but never tongue and she was so caught up in that moment she dropped the gun back down in the bag, letting the bag slide off her shoulder as she dropped it on the floor.

His arm slid around her waist and pulled her close as his jacket came open and revealed that she wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing, not even underwear. He felt her bare breasts on his chest and he exhaled as he began to run his left hand from her hips to her firm mounds of flesh and cupped one as he massaged the nipple with his thumb. Winry began to feel butterflies in her stomach as she reached behind him and locked the door and bringing her hand back to his hips she undid the towel and it dropped to the floor. Never doing this before she decided to touch his manhood and it sent chills through his body as he grabbed her tighter until she was pressed firmly against him and whispered "I want you so bad right now." He began walking her backwards towards the bed and when they stopped by the edge of it she let his jacket slide off her shoulders and down her arms and it hit the floor. He cupped her face with both his hands and kissed her passionately. Never in her thoughts did she think this was going to happen when she came here today to do what she had in mind. Sitting down on the bed she leaned back and he looked over her naked body before crawling over her '_Oh my gosh! I can't believe this is happening' _she thought as she felt his fingers in between her legs massaging her then he slide them inside her and her back arched as he continued to move them in and out of her. She reached down and grabbed onto his manhood and began to move her hand up and down it and he responded with a loud groan.

He began to kiss her passionately again as her lips began to swell from being kissed so much and moving to her neck he positioned himself over her as he slide his fingers out of her and her moistness was too much for him bare. He had to feel the inside of her so placing the head of his shaft at her moist opening he began to push and she let out a slight moan of discomfort as she dug her nails into his back. But this is what she had wanted for so long and right now it was happening as he pushed again "Ed it hurt's some" she whined out as a tear of pain left her eye and she grabbed on even tighter and she tensed up. He leaned his head back and looked at her, reaching up he wiped the tear from her eye and she saw his eyes we're glossed over with passion "Relax Win and just go with it." He pushed again slower this time and she relaxed, it hurt but not as bad as before and she slightly smiled at him. Burying his face back in her neck he pushed again, again, again and again then something inside of her broke loose and the pushing got easier as he slid in and out in a more rhythmic motion now. She relaxed and went with it like he said and it was actually exhilarating as she began to move with him and when she did he thrust deeper inside of her and she couldn't help but let out a squeak "Ed!" into his shoulder as she dug her nails deeper into his shoulder and he grinned as he moved back his head and ravished her swollen lips again then whispered "Come on baby keep it up" With slow rhythmic motions at first he slid in and out and the sheer pleasure he got from being inside her was enough to make him forget about everything if just for a while, then as he picked up the pace she just held on for the ride, the motions were rhythmic and fast as his breaths became shorter and heavier. Then he drove deeper and deeper as he whispered "Winry you feel so damn good I don't know how much longer I can handle it" she heard the pleasure in his voice and she began to enjoy it herself '_I glad he's satisfied with me. I didn't think_ _he would be_' she thought. Faster and faster he drove, then with one last thrust he drove deep inside of her and stopped. She thought something had happened as he lay still then jerked a couple of times "Edward are you okay?" she asked not knowing that he had the biggest smile on his face while it was buried in her blonde hair. He leaned his head back "Yeah I'm fine." She laid there with him on top of her starring at the ceiling remembering what she had come to do but all she could think about right now was what they had just shared. This was going to complicate her decision of saving him. She had loved him ever since they were kids and all she ever wanted was for him to love her back and in his own way he loved her more than anything. He knew this was wrong but after seeing her standing there with not a stitch of clothing on his damn hormones had taken over and right now he was regretting it a little as he rolled off her. This wasn't how he had expected this to happen but if someone was going to kill him this might have been his only chance to be with her so he took it to show her how much he loved her. As he pulled her to him he kissed her forehead "I love you so much Winry you'll never know how much I truly do love you."

She looked up at him and slightly smiled "I think I now know Edward." The thought's she had of killing him were pushed down right now because of what he had just said '_Maybe there is hope for him to be saved? Maybe he can change? I don't want to lose him to the darkness and madness maybe I can be the light in his life?'_ she laid her head back on his shoulder as Edward pulled the sheet over them and they both dozed off for a while.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Psalm 61:1 O God! Listen to my cry! Hear my prayer! 2: From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed.

Comfortably Miserable Chap.10

Winry awoke thinking what had happened was a dream as she rolled over and saw Edward sleeping next to her. She got up and grabbed his t-shirt and put it on smiling to herself she thought the worst was over and that maybe just maybe they might have a future together. But her thoughts were cut short as she heard him mumble in his sleep "I had to kill you. Orders are orders and your just casualties of war. People are always begging for their lives it's so pathetic." She couldn't believe what she was hearing not knowing he was dreaming about a situation that had taken place many years before when he had just started working for Mustang. It was a job that he'd regretted and he tried to justify it by telling himself that. Her heart sank as she listened to him and he rolled over on his side and she put her hand to her mouth _'I can't believe this he has no compassion for anyone._'

Her hands began to shake as she realized her plan had to go through so he wouldn't hurt anyone else. Walking around the bed she found her bag and took the pistol out and pointed it at the back of his head her hands were shaking and as she cocked the gun. Edward's eyes shot open knowing that sound very well as he stared at the empty place next to him and he knew she was pointing a gun at the back of his head. '_I remain fighting against it, dying that is because all I have left is a small sliver of hope that there is something out there for me. Every day I think of dying, inside my mind I dream of it, I used to be able to picture myself in_ _the future but know all I see is my own grave_.' He thought not wanting to scare her he began to stir some by moving his legs. If he was going to die by her hand he wanted her to know that he loved her "I love you Winry" he whispered but she thought he was talking in his sleep and she couldn't pull the trigger. Uncocking the gun she sat on the edge of the bed and dropped it back in the bag as tears rolled down her cheeks. He rolled over and she looked back at him and he almost had a look of disappointment on his face but then he raised up on his elbow "Heeey it's okay." He pulled her chin up with his other hand and she stared into those amber eyes of his and she felt like she had just almost made a terrible mistake. Throwing her arms around his neck "I love you Edward." He slightly smiled as he held onto her but he now knew she was the one that was going to kill him '_What better hand to die by than yours Winry?_' he thought. She cried for a few seconds and he leaned back "Why are you crying Winry?" She couldn't answer him as she wiped her tears so she lied to him "I was just thinking about what we did earlier and I just don't know if it was the right thing Edward." He knew she was lying but he played along "What? You think maybe it was too soon?" she nodded yes and dropped her head down. He lifted her face to look at his and leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips "I'm glad we did it because I couldn't hold my feelings for you in any longer Winry. I wanted you to know how much I truly love you and sharing that with you…..Well let's just say my thoughts on life have changed some." She smiled hearing him say that it made her feel better and she was glad she hadn't pulled the trigger.

He smiled back at her and looked at his shirt she was wearing "You know you look good in my shirt." God he could be so sweet when he wanted to be. '_Why couldn't he be this way all the time?' _She thoughtlooking down at the shirt and smiling shyly as he pulled her on top of him and began to kiss her neck "Why don't I go get us some lunch while you get dressed." He said smiling at her and she nodded as he let her go and sat up and began looking around for his boxers. He forgot he wore a towel into the room so he just got out of bed and walked over to his suitcase. She slightly blushed a shade of pink in her cheeks looking at his bare ass. She had to admit he had a nice ass and it was very well formed along with the rest of his body. She shyly looked away as he put his boxers on and grabbed his pants and slid them on.

Walking over and opening the door he walked out and ran into Valoren "Well did you guys have a nice talk?" looking back over Edward's shoulder she saw Winry standing in his t-shirt and she noticed the blood stain on the sheet that could only have come from a virgin having sex for the first time "Well I guess you did." She said with a slight tone in her voice as he looked at her. Feeling Edward had made a mistake but it wasn't her place to say anything. But she felt a slight hurt in her chest wishing that under different circumstances that could have been him and her. Quickly shaking that thought out of her mind remembering what Izumi had told her about Winry being Edward's first love she slightly smiled at him "Congratulations Edward it seems that you have what you want."

Leaning over towards her she noticed the look in his eyes "Not particularly I think I have a bigger problem now." She didn't know what he meant but the look he gave her said watch my back closely. She had been with him long enough to be able to read his body language and his facial expressions as she nodded to him.

Walking to the kitchen his thoughts wondered _'Who am I? Am I just a man? Am I just another killer? I've forgotten what it felt like to be truly happy, even the time I spent just now with Winry making love to her only gave me a few moments of happiness, But that too slowly faded.'_ He stopped at the sink and stared out the window _'God, am I truly so emotionless and unstable that a God like you can't save me?' _Putting his hands on each side of his head he grabbed handfuls of hair '_HEEELP MEEEE GOD! I'M LOST IN A VAST VORTEX OF DARKNESS THAT I SEE NO ESCAPE FROM!'_ Hearing Izumi enter the kitchen he composed himself enough to turn to her and put on that fake face he usually wore around them so they wouldn't know the torment he was in.

She smiled at him "Are you okay Ed?" He slightly smiled back "Yeah teacher just getting something for Winry to eat." Izumi patted his shoulder as she walked by to get a plate "And what about you Edward aren't you eating?" she gave him a stern look and his eyes lowered "Yes ma'am." He made two sandwiches and put them on plates and turned to carry them to the bedroom. Winry had finished dressing when he walked in "Glad to see you found your clothes but then again I thought you looked good in my shirt."

She smiled turning to him and taking the plate he offered her with the sandwich. He looked at the bed and sat the plate down as he took the sheets and bundled them up "I guess I better wash these or teacher will kill me." They both were having trouble looking each other in the eyes as Winry sat her plate down and stopped him by taking the sheets and sitting them on the ground "I'll help you wash them after we talk Edward." She took his hand and led him to the bed and sat down as he sat next to her. She looked at him with those beautiful eyes of hers that he always got lost in when they were children "Let me help you Edward just let me bring you out of the darkness and into the light. We could have so much together." She looked away from him "I love you Edward and I won't lose you to your own insanity or demons."

As he began to talk she noticed a certain defeated tone in his voice "I'm scared of myself Winry, deep inside I know I'm dangerous and I often ask myself in the mirror, is it normal for me to be like this? Does everyone carry such a burden within them? A burden that constantly tortures them, driving them to withdrawal from the good in life?"

She was speechless his thinking was way beyond what she had thought and he was talking about deep dark things "The burden you carry Ed is it that you couldn't protect Al?"

"Yes but that's only the top of the barrel Winry. I'm scared, I'm scared of having to live long enough to where this burden I carry inside finally drives me off the edge and I hurt those I love."

She knew at this point he was way beyond her help she thought even killing him at this point wouldn't help him. He would only be locked in his own tortured hell if she followed through with it. Reaching out and pulling him into a hug "I don't know how to help you Edward and it scares me."

He leaned back and looked her in the eyes and she saw in his eyes a spark that she hadn't seen in years "I love you so much, sharing what we did today was the only thing that has brought me happiness in….I can't even remember. I wish I could give you what you want Winry, I wish I could be that man you want me to be but I want to tell you when I die it's because I finished what I had to do and I destroyed this curse along with my own life. Being with you today lifted that curse if just for an hour I felt more alive than I have since I was eight. Making love to you was what I had to finish but there is only one that can save me now. It is my demon that is trapped within my body and will die along with me."

She knew then that he knew she tried to shoot him earlier as her eyes widened "You know don't you?" he sighed and slightly smiled "Yes and I don't blame you actually I would welcome dying by your hand."

She began to babble out an explanation "I don't know what was driving me Edward. It was a voice inside my head telling me you needed to die. But after talking to you I realize that dying would only put you in a hell of your own and you're already in that."

"Listen to me Winry I know this is hard for you but there's going to come a time when someone's going to have to stop me and I hope it's you." He pulled her into a tight hug "Promise me that when that time comes you'll be the one to pull the trigger." She started to cry uncontrollably "I can't, I can't" he put his hand on her head and stroked her hair "Yes you can all you have to do is think of everything I've done in my life and the people I killed not to mention the ones your saving that I'm going after. I'll always be with you no matter what. I told you once I would always look out for you and I meant that no matter if I'm here or on the other side." They sat there for hours as she cried and he held her and she promised that if the time came she would do it. Winry had fallen asleep after her crying meltdown and Edward pulled out a piece of paper and began to write on it after he finished he folded it and put it where Izumi would be sure to find it if anything happened to him. She almost caught him as he slid out of her room but he made up an excuse about having to wash the sheets. She wanted to know why so he told her and after she clobbered him she told him where the wash soap was.

As he was outside washing the sheets his thoughts began to wonder to Mary and like a true angel she was there "Hello Edward." He jumped "Geez one day you'll scare me to death." She walked over as her long black hair blew in the breeze "I doubt that" she smiled at him "I heard what you and Winry talked about and I have to say I was very touched by your relationship. Have you thought anymore about what I told you about our Lord?"

"Yeah I have I've been thinking about it a lot and I've realized that if he could do that for me then I can let him be in control of my out of control life." He said wringing out the sheets.

Mary got a look of concern on her face "You do realize Edward that you have to give your life up for him."

"Yes I realize that now." Edward turned to her "I'm ready Mary." She looked at him and knew he was as he put his head down "The things I went through as a child, it was my demon, he mocked me as I was tortured and I made it by locking him inside. Like a vessel of a good and bad spirit, the good must sacrifice himself and destroy the bad spirit inside. I Edward Elric confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and I truly believe he died for my sins and the worlds and was raised on the third day." Mary spread her wings and Edward could hear angels singing, it was the most amazing sound his ears had ever heard. He lifted his head slightly "Mary I hear…..I have such a peaceful feeling." He smiled as all the suicidal thoughts and tormenting voices left his mind, his mind was still dark but there seemed to be a shred of hope creeping into his mind "IT'S AMAZING!"

"Edward by confessing that Jesus Christ is Lord and you believe he died for your sins and he was raised you are saved by our Lord." Mary was happy she had saved a boy she had such faith in and his eternal soul was now saved so that Lucifer could not get a hold of him and use him for his bidding.

Edward was happier than he had been in years and he wanted to tell Winry. He wanted to tell her that maybe just maybe there might be hope for then to have a relationship now. So he turned and ran into the house and as he passed the phone it rang and he answered it. It was Mustang on the phone telling him he needed to come back and help with the Ishvalan prisoners. As he listened to Mustang he felt his stomach drop and his heart stop "I can't! I-I can't do that." Winry walked out of the bedroom and she only heard Edward's side of the conversation. "Yes I know. Alright what do I have to do?" Edward sighed "But their children!" Winry didn't think she would have to keep her promise this soon but the tears flowed from her eyes as she heard Edward say "Fine I'll be there." All she could think of was him going and killing these children the promise echoed in her mind as she turned and walked into the room and grabbed the gun and walked back out.

Edward hung the phone up "Damn it!" and turned around to stare down the front of the gun pointed at him and the girl crying holding it "Winry wait!"

"No Edward you told me to and I promised and now you're off to go kill those kids and I'm only thinking of them." She said as tears rolled down her cheeks and hands shaking "I'm only doing what you told me to do. I don't hate you but I just want to save you while there's still something left to save."

Valoren walked into the room saw what was happening and went and got her rifle, walking up behind Winry she pointed it at her "DROP YOUR GUN WINRY!" Edward panicked and threw his hand up "NOOOO! Valoren drop your gun, she's right I did make her promise."

"I'm sworn to protect you at all cost Sir" she looked at him sternly. He smiled as he saw Mary in between them "It's alright I'm ready to go." He looked at Winry as she fell to her knees "I love you Winry and remember I was saved." She couldn't separate her love or heartbreak as she slowly squeezed the trigger. She realized she couldn't do it as she looked into his eyes and she saw something different in them, they were more bright and full of life as he closed them and fell to his knees in front of her and put his arms straight out to his side and leaning his head back he looked up '_Lord I hope you're ready for me?'_ Winry started to let the trigger ease forward because she couldn't shoot him but when Izumi slammed through the door "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" it scared her and she jumped and pulled the trigger hitting Edward in the chest.

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT YOU SCARED ME!" she became hysterical "I WASN'T GOING TO SHOOT!" She threw the gun and got up and ran over to him and pulled his head into her lap "I wasn't going to do it Ed." As blood flowed from his mouth he chocked it up "I ….love…y" and he was gone Winry went completely ballistic "AHHHHHHHHH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?" Izumi stunned at the whole situation walked over and smacked Winry across the face "Calm down."

Valoren just stood there and watched her alchemist she was supposed to protect bleed out on the floor. She shook her head and came back to reality as she dropped her gun and jumped on Winry knocking her to the ground "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" pulling her fist back and letting it fly it was caught in mid flight by Sig "Stop it this isn't going to help." He said looking at Izumi as she cradled Edward in her arms "Now I've lost them both. He was all I had left." She said rocking him back and forth. Valoren glared at Winry as she cried hysterically and Sig had to pick her up off the floor "I didn't mean it! I wasn't going to shoot him. I LOVED HIM!" Knowing Winry was going to need a sedative Sig went to get the doctor and when he arrived he pronounced Edward dead and gave Winry a sedative.

Izumi had went to her room and upon opening her top drawer she found a folded piece of paper that said teacher on the outside in Edward's writing. With her hands shaking she opened it and it read:

_I pray whoever reads this, that if that time should come that you understand I want you to live life abundantly and please do not dwell on the saddened thought of me. I ask that if that time has come that you know in your heart I have completed what I was given to do, that this happened not in my regret of life, it happened so others would not have to suffer longer knowing I suffer, it happened so others could live on without my curse as well._

_ Ed_

Izumi felt tears stream down her face as she held the note to her heart "You were the only one that I had that was truly my son Edward."


	11. Chapter 11

AN: As it says at the end of Umika's AMV 'Heaven Exists…..Somewhere…..No doubt' I got to dig deep into my psyche and used some old demons, not to mention the demons my nephew has (Mine where when I was younger but he struggles with his every day) Always remember Kyle that God loves you no matter what and just believe Jesus can heal those demons. I know you don't think so now, neither did I at the time, but now I'm the aunt you know and love. Never give up and be strong like you have been for so many years. The Edward in me says never give up and use the strong legs God gave you and kick their ass.

Comfortably Miserable Chap.11

It was dark and he couldn't see anything sitting there, until a huge opening started to materialize in the ground with the smell of burning and rotting flesh. Then a huge other worldly being appeared in front of him he didn't know what it was but the thing was scary, more scarier than anything he'd ever faced in a fight as he stood to his feet.

"Hello Edward, I'm Lucifer and I've come to collect your soul boy." He smiled a huge scary smile walking towards Edward as he began to show Edward everything he had done in his life from his attitude on life to killing people.

Edward's head was forward, bangs in his face as his amber eyes looked upon the massive fallen angel. He swallowed hard and sighed '_Well I guess this is it then? No! Wait a minute I believe Jesus is Lord not this fool.' _Mary appeared next to him "Call his name Edward. There is power in his name."

Choking on the smell of rotting flesh Edward looked up "JESUS!" and out of the dark sky a light began to form. Lucifer looked up "NOOOO! AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE YOU THINK HE'LL SAVE YOU NOW!" he yelled and laughed aloud as he swiped his hand out to grab Edward but Edward did a back flip and began running towards the light with his hand in the air. The sheer terror on his face made Mary realize that this was a fight he was not prepared for. He continued running and grabbing for the light as Lucifer swiped his feet out from under him and he thought he was done for waiting to be grabbed by the feet and drug into hell at any moment as he lay face down '_Please God please help me I can't fight him without you.'_ But instead he felt a warm feeling on his back as he turned his head to look over his shoulder at the glorious light that surrounded the man standing at his feet it was too bright to even gaze upon. Then it dimmed a little and he saw the outline of the most beautiful man he'd ever seen. The man slightly smiled at him as he turned to the fallen angel "You cannot have this one because he is mine now." And with a swipe of his hand "BE GONE DEVIL!" The fallen angel shrunk down and crawled back into his hole and it closed.

As Edward sat up he dropped his head and covered his eyes not wanting to look at this man because of all the destructive bad things and killing he had done in his life. Jesus turned to face him knowing what Edward was thinking "I have forgiven all that you have done Edward Elric. I won't give you more than you can take, I might let you bend but I won't let you break and know that I will never let you go." Edward's hands slid from his face as he looked at him "Thank you Lord."

Mary walked up and bent down next to Edward "We have a problem Edward. It's your brother he's stuck in purgatory and he refuses to cross over."

Jesus looked at Edward "Your brother and you had a well laid out plan for your lives. But when tragedy happened and Lucifer stepped in that path was changed. You were both meant to do a great deed for this world but instead you contributed to the problem. But now I have decided to do something I've never done. " Jesus lifted his hand "I will turn back the hands of time and reset it so you Edward will follow that path you were supposed to till you get to your brother and tell him to cross over." He looked at Edward "That is the only way I can send him back to reset everything. I must warn you though there will be some of the same casualties there were this time." He turned to walk away "Some things must take place for you to become who you were supposed to be."

Edward was stunned to the point he could hardly talk "I-I-I don't understand." He said looking at Mary.

Jesus stopped and turned to face Edward "You Edward will save your brother and I will give you the life you were supposed to live because your turmoil and suffering has showed me that your spirit and soul are strong and this world needs your help for what's coming. But right now we must concentrate on your brother who has suffered for eight years in purgatory where he was never supposed to stay." As Jesus began to walk away two massive angels appeared "Michael and Gabriel will lead you through the life you were supposed to live because if not you could fall through the space time continuum and be lost forever. Mary will guide you along the way also, You were once in that purgatory your brother is in but you were pulled out and sent you back after you were attacked."

Edward couldn't believe that the Lord God was doing this for him. He remembered that day when he was younger and Al and he were in front of huge doors after they were attacked. Al had disappeared but he had been drug back through the door by long black arms. As Jesus walked by Michael and Gabriel he stopped briefly "When he is done and things are as they were supposed to be I want you to wipe his memory clear of the life he led before I don't want him remembering any of that but leave this memory and the memory of Mary. The girls Winry and Valoren leave their memories so they know something miraculous has happened and they too shall believe."

Both angles nodded "Yes Lord" Walking over to Edward they each took one of his arms "Are you ready boy to regain what you lost?" Edward nodded to them as they took off with him and he closed his eyes.

He felt himself go back in time as his body became younger and the angels told him this is where it begins and they were gone just out of his sight but not away from him as time began to move forward. He was being lifted into the sky lying on his back as he free floated. Then he found himself in a field of beautiful glowing flowers and he saw his mother, Alphonse and himself in the field and he smiled as he turned and walked off. He then saw Alphonse and him attempt Human transmutation and Al lose his body, he saw his leg be taken and then he gave his arm up to bond his brother's soul to a suit of armor. Then he was back in the field of flowers staring out into its vastness. Then soaring into the air again he saw his whole life, as he soared through the darkness weightless as pictures in time past by his face in the time line. He saw Izumi and his mother in the time line. The life he was supposed to have and it went by fast as he found himself next falling into a mine shaft in Baschool after fighting Kimblee. He was on the ground blood gushing from the wound in his side where a pipe had run through him and out the other side "I won't make her cry not over something as stupid as this." He said clapping his hands together and breaking the pipe. And as he lay there bleeding out he heard angels singing the most beautiful song he'd ever heard as Mary appeared next to him and he looked up and saw a glimpse of her before his eyes closed "This Edward was almost a fatal wound but once again you proved that your power and life force is strong."

It was like Edward saw every part of his life and he realized in this lifetime he didn't believe in killing and it was a welcoming feeling after the killing sprees and blood he had spilt in the last life. '_Wow I could have had this life if the devil wouldn't have stepped in and changed my future.' _He could feel his love for Winry grow stronger as time went by and his heart filled with warmth that he had never felt before as he closed his eyes and let the pictures of time fill his mind. He saw the fights he fought and all the times knowing Mary was there but only seeing feathers. This was the life he wanted and hoped for soaring through the time lines he saw his fight with Greed only it was over Al this time. He saw Hughes' death and his funeral. He also saw their father and saw what he was doing although right know he didn't understand it. Watching Winry try to rearrange his brain cells with a wrench every time he broke his automail. Watching him and his brother travel the country and help people without killing them.

In this life he also realized he didn't kill Nina or the child that started the war and he felt relief and sorrow that they still had to die. He saw his self and another boy, a foreign boy with long black hair in a ponytail wading through ankle high blood trying desperately to find a way out of their situation. Then they were fighting a big green monster. His head was bandaged and his arm was broken and splinted as he stood in front of a transmutation circle with stones blocks around him. Talking to the green monster he saw that he looked upset and then he opened the portal and his spirit was suddenly sucked into that body in that time as he was being disassembled by the long black arms.

Suddenly he found himself in a place facing a door, a portal, his portal. Feeling a feeling he hadn't felt since losing his brother his eyes widened as he turned his head. Sitting behind him in front of a different portal was a boy, naked, with long gold hair _'Al?'_ The boy turned and looked at him and Edward knew it was his brother as he stood up and ran for him. Knowing he had to get to his brother he ran and ran as flashes of memories of them as children went through Edward's head as the boy stood up and stared at him '_Ed? Is it really you'_ Al thought his mind was playing tricks on him. Edward's portal opened and the long arms came rushing out as he struggled against them, fighting '_NO! NO!'_ They grabbed him and began to pull him back to the portal "ALPHONSE!" He yelled as the anguish and fear gripped him as they pulled him through the portal and it shut. Al realized that his brother was gone again and his face saddened till Edward's portal door came crashing open from his fist "ALPHONSE! LISTEN TO ME! YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH YOUR PORTAL!" struggling the whole time with the long arms he pulled and strained to hold the door open, "TRUUUUST MEEEEE!" Being over powered by the long arms as he was pulled back through the gate, "IT'S THE ONLY WAY WE CAN BE TOGETHER AGAIN! PLEEEASE AL GOOOO!" Al stood and just looked at him and Edward thought he didn't get through to him as he was pulled back through and the doors slammed as his hand reached out for his brother and he saw him through the crack as the portal slammed shut. _'Please, please Al, go through. I have failed you if you don't and there's no reason for me to continue if you don't cross over.' _

He found himself standing on a dirt road and up ahead he saw his mother, brother and himself walking back from town as they always did, talking and laughing. He stood there and looked down at himself and realized he was see through, a spirit and he thought he had failed, actually he knew he had failed. Looking to the three happy people walking in front of him his younger self turned to stare at him and he thought '_Can he see me?_' Turning his younger self walked back and stood in front of him and stared up at him in awe. Edward figured this was another chance to stop the madness that had controlled his life. So looking at his younger self he slightly smiled then his head dropped forward and anguish took over his face as he told his younger self "Watch out for your brother and don't take unnecessary walks to town." His younger self stared at him as he said one last thing to the younger boy "Follow your gut instinct" Then he yelled "GO!" his younger self frightened by the older boys outburst turned and ran off to catch up with his mother and brother.

_Never more do I sit and think 'What fresh hell has the devil for me today?'_

_My mind, soul and spirit have been saved._

_No longer do I wait for that hellish weight around my feet to pull me down._

_It's been taken off I'm no longer bound to a life of darkness and despair._

_The wreckage of my past is that, the past._

_My savior has forgiven me at last._

_I look at life now as a blessing and I smile, and I have joy and peace for all the while._

_I treasure the things I hold most dear, and that's my lord for with him there is nothing in life that I now fear. _

_G.E. (which are my initials in real life)_

_8-10-2013_

_(Aka: Edward Elric around my house) _


	12. Chapter 12

AN: The last chapter was the hardest to write. I hope it explained things well enough. I read it and rewrote it many times I hope it put things in perspective. But no more waiting on with THE GRAND FINALE!

Comfortably Miserable Chap.12

Making breakfast he heard her scream a terrifying scream that shot chills through his body as he dropped the plate he was holding and took off up the stairs taking them two at a time. Getting to the door he threw it open and saw her sitting there crying and shaking "WINRY! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" she looked up and seeing him her heart stopped and she almost past out as she pointed to him "I SHOT YOU!" she began to shake all over as she tried to stand from the bed only to realize she was pregnant "WHEN THE HELL DID I GET PREGNANT!" she yelled looking at her oversized tummy then looking back at him "I KILLED YOU EDWARD!"

He went to walk towards her "NO!" she yelled as she stood up and stared at him confused not knowing if she was going crazy or what "You were dead." He smiled slightly and walked over to her "As you can see Winry I'm perfectly fine." Reaching her shaking hand out, she touched his face "Y-Y-Your real. B-But I know what happened. How are you here?" He saw how shook up she was and he pulled her into a hug that's when she noticed his arm, it wasn't automail "Ed your arm it's back."

He raised an eyebrow "Yeah Winry I got it back when Al sacrificed himself when we fought the father of the homonculi." Now she was completely confused she thought she had woken up in some other world.

Just then Al poked his head in "Brother is everything okay?" She saw Al's smiling face and her legs almost gave out under her and Edward had to catch her "Whoa baby take it easy." He looked at her pale face "Are you alright?" she couldn't talk or form a word "A-A-…..it's Al!" she pointed to the younger sibling and Edward smiled giving Al a strange look "Yeeeah Winry, it's Al." He thought maybe she was having some kind stress breakdown due to the fact the baby was due anytime now or maybe she had a nightmare.

Alex poked his head in "Daddy is mommy okay?" Winry's eyes widened as Edward turned "Yeah son she's fine." That's when she noticed the ring on his ring finger and then she looked at hers and on it was a beautiful engagement ring with a wedding band, she put her hand to her head trying to process everything "I think I need to lie down Edward." He helped her to the bed "You have a son?" she asked with a puzzled look on her face and Edward got concerned "Win….Uh…That's our son." She couldn't stand anymore as her knees gave out and she sat backwards on the bed '_What the fuck is going on here?'_ she thought and thought _'I know, I'm having a psychotic break from shooting him. Yeah that's it. I'll go to sleep and wakeup and everything will be back to the way it was.'_

**Meanwhile at Central command**

Valoren was startled when Mustang cleared his throat as she jumped up from her desk where she was obviously sleeping "I see we should get you more to do if you have time for a nap." Throwing her hand up she saluted quickly "Yes sir" then looking around she wondered how the fuck she got back to Central because she was just in Dublith watching Edward bleed out on the floor.

Mustang put his hand out with a piece of paper in it "I need you to deliver this to Edward Elric the address is on the top." She stumbled over her words "E-Edward Elric but sir he's dead."

Mustang's eyes narrowed "I think you got too much sleep Cartier. Because he's very much alive." She couldn't believe it she watched him die on Izumi's floor. Her mind raced thinking he was alive '_What strange miracle is this? Could it be? Could he actually be alive and I just dreamed that he died?'_ she gathered her stuff and ran out of the building headed for the address on the paper she held so tightly in her hand to see if her alchemist was actually alive.

Edward had gotten Winry back in bed and she was hysterical "I don't understand it I watched you die in my arms Edward." He smiled at her "Maybe you had a bad dream Win." But she knew it wasn't a dream it was real and know if this was reality she hoped it wouldn't disappear because she saw he was happy here. She began to think maybe it was all just a dream but then she remembered everything from before shooting him '_No it was too real. It couldn't have been a dream. I'm so confused now.'_ Al had brought up some warm tea for her "Here Winry I made it just the way you like it." she took the cup and stared at Al for a minute trying to process him standing right there in front of her _'Wait! Maybe we're all dead. Maybe Valoren actually strangled me and I'm dead too.'_

Just then there was a knock at the door and Edward got up and went downstairs to answer it as Winry made Al feel uncomfortable as she called him over and began poking at his face "Your real too." He gave her a puzzling look "Uh….yeah Winry I'm real" then he stood up and moved across the room as she stared at him in unbelief.

As Edward opened the door Valoren's mouth dropped to the ground. He was a little older but it was him and she got so excited she threw her arms around his neck "YOU'RE ALIVE!" Edward stood there stunned as he wheezed out from her squeezing his neck "So I've been told." Then he reached up and took her arms from around his neck and looked at her "You're from Mustang's office right?" giving her a puzzling look for jumping on him.

She looked at the confusion in his eyes and she just straightened up "Uh yes I am. He wanted me to bring you these." She handed Edward the papers as Al walked down the stairs "Brother, Uh…Winry's scaring me and keeps wanting to touch my face and she keeps repeating, how are you alive? And she's staring at me with that crazy look in her eyes."

Valoren smiled "Winry?" Edward looked at her "Oh, you know my wife?" She shook her head slowly "Wife? Uh….oh yeah" Edward smiled as he stood to the side and let her in "She just woke up from a bad nightmare. She also thought I was dead." He smiled "Actually she said she shot me."

Valoren's eyes widened and couldn't believe she wasn't the only one that remembered it "C-Can I see her?" she said almost anxiously as Edward shrugged his shoulders "Sure. She's upstairs." Valoren almost sprinted up the stairs as she got to Winry's room and saw her on the bed "OH MY GOD YOU'RE PREGNANT?" Winry looked up "Valoren what the hell are you doing here?"

Valoren walked over to the bed "I don't know the last thing I remember is wanting to strangle you for shooting him." Winry's eyes widened as she sat forward "Then it did happen?" she looked even more puzzled now "Then how come were the only ones that remember it? And what about Al? How is he alive?"

Valoren sat on the bed "I don't know" as both women tried to process what had taken place. Winry stood up out of bed as they both descended the stairs and saw Edward in the kitchen with Alex on his lap and Al sitting at the table. He looked up and smiled a smile neither woman had ever seen on his face "Feeling better now?" he asked placing Alex on the ground as he stood up.

Giving him a dumbfounded look Winry just shook her head "Uh….yeah." He noticed Valoren staring at him oddly too "Good cause I'm taking Alex here outside to spar some" he looked down at the boy that was the spitting image of him as Alex smiled a huge smile that resembled his fathers "YAY!" he yelled jumping up and down and clapping.

Al stood up "I'll join you" not wanting to be left in the house with Winry to poke his face anymore. As the boys exited the house Valoren and Winry were left to ponder what had happened "Alright maybe were all dead and this is heaven." Winry said walking to the window to watch Edward outside. Valoren walked over and stood there too "No I don't think so" she put her hand to her chin "I think there's something bigger at work here than we could ever even comprehend."

Both women stared out the window as they watch Alex kick his father square in the crotch when he turned around and Edward doubled over "Thank God mommy's already pregnant or you wouldn't have siblings" he wheezed out looking at his son as he fell to his knees.

Winry and Valoren laughed and then looked at each other as both of them got serious looks "You've got another chance Winry" Valoren said smiling "I don't know how and I don't know why but I do know something miraculous has happened here and only us two seem to remember what happened before."

Winry looked at the ring on her finger then she looked outside at all three of the men now in her life, then to her stomach to the next special person that would be in her life "Yeah I don't want to take anything for granted right now I just want to enjoy this while I have it."

Valoren turned to her and her eyebrows narrowed "If you ever try to shoot him again I'll kill you myself." She looked out and watched Edward chase his son and he was so happy, happier then she could have ever imagined he'd be "I will still protect him with my life even though he doesn't remember what happened."

"I would ask nothing less of you Valoren. I know how you feel about him." Winry smiled and then pointed out the window "Who's that?" she said pointing to the young man walking up to their yard then he stopped and talked to Edward as Edward pointed to the house. Valoren eyes widened as she focused on the man's face '_Oh god could it be?_' she turned to Winry not believing her eyes "That's m-my brother V-V-Vincent." '_How could this be? He's alive?'_ she turned and took off running out the door and ran straight into his arms and began to cry.

He held onto her then smiled "Hey sis Colonel Mustang said you'd be here." He pushed her back some "Are we still on for dinner while I'm in town?" she nodded her head vigorously as tears flowed down her cheeks and she pulled him into a hug again. Edward walked by and looked at them "Yeah there's been a lot of that going on today."

Just then everyone heard a scream as Winry yelled "EDWARD HELP!" her water had broken and she was freaking out as he ran into the house and tried to calm her down "Calm down Win we've been through this once before." She wanted to scream at him '_The hell I have this is the first time I wasn't here that time you_ _moron!'_ but she thought under the circumstances that wouldn't be appropriate.

It was hours later and Winry was exhausted as sweat poured off her head and the pain was unbearable as she tried to push the one last time Edward told her to. It was that last push that made him smile a huge smile as he took the baby, wiped it off and held the baby up to show her "It's a girl Win." He then grabbed a towel and wrapped the pink little bundle in it as he walked over to her and placed the baby on her chest. Mary had appeared next to him as this miracle of birth was taking effect and she encouraged Edward as he delivered his daughter '_That is my loving and strong spirit. You have been through so much you don't remember. But now you have become a warrior for God and time and time again through this life you have made heaven proud with your choices and sacrifices.' _ Reaching out and touching the baby's head she smiled as Faith appeared, "Don't worry Mary I shall lead this child and protect her." Faith was now Edward's daughter's guardian angel the higher archangel over her was Michael. Michael had seen first hand Edward's despair in the life they took from him. But now all of heaven rejoiced because his was a spirit and soul they had won back from Lucifer the destroyer of the hope and faith in mankind.

So remember if you ever feel down, worthless, depressed, confused about you purpose in life or you just feel like you were a mistake. Remember you were made by a god who knew you before you were even formed in your mother's womb, he knows ever hair on your head and he's caught every tear you've ever cried and though he doesn't turn time back to let you have another life he gives you a new one once you believe in him. Never believe you we're a mistake I'm here to tell you God doesn't make mistakes. You have a purpose in his plan. Even if it's as small as helping an old person across the street safely or getting a kitten out of a tree, lending a shoulder for someone to cry on, or just smiling at a stranger who's having a bad day. Because we all touch each other's lives and were all connected just think of what would happen if you weren't there to do all these things the outcome could be disastrous. So the next time you have a bad day look around and see if someone actually touches your life that day with a smile. Also remember we all have angels around us and if you get quiet and concentrate and talk to them, thanking them for protecting you and guiding you, sometimes you can actually feel them around you, It's a feeling deep inside your spirit (like a flutter in your stomach.) Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this story that I had an eye opening experience writing.


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